Growth Through Stupidity

You know sometimes you just can't win for trying. You know what I mean. You think of something you might like to try and you try it. Sometimes things work out great and you succeed in completing the task at hand and sometimes things do not always work out. You fail. Right? The world did not come to a crashing end and the sun rose again the next day. Right? So when did it become a bad thing for people to fail? When did we enter a world of success at all costs?

I read recently that children only learn through success until about age 6 or so. This is why you see parents making a big deal out of little Bobby when he learns not to pick his nose at the dinner table. The child learns that if he does (or in this case does not) do something, he will get praised for it and learn "Hey look at what happened there! I will have to remember that!" Same goes with tying your shoes, getting dressed properly and going to the potty. After age 6 the brain begins to change and the child learns more through mistakes and failure. Kind of a "Hey, I guess the egg shells don't need to be in the cake batter!" eureka moment. If something does not work, then the child will remember that and try something different the next time.

I guess that's what gets me about the 'helicopter parent' phenomenon. These parents hover about their children, smoothing social bumps, correcting mistakes and removing obstacles that their children encounter. What are these parents teaching their children? The kid learns that if they wait someone will fix the problem. If they make a mistake someone will make it go away. That they can't fail. So basically they learn that they can get away with anything and end up with no skills for coping with problems and obstacles.

When I was young my parents let me figure things out for myself. They made sure I was safe and that I wasn't in any danger of course, the provided advice and encouragement, but they also let me have space to grow. When I went out to play I remember my father saying "Don't do anything stupid." Did I do stupid things? Yep! Did I learn from doing stupid things? Yep! Am I a better and more capable person now because of that? I'd like to think so.

While growing up we all have to learn that there are consequences to our actions. We all have to learn to develop the persistence to try and try again. We have to learn how to deal with life's little problems. Have you heard the old adage about learning from your mistakes? Maybe the reason for this saying is that we really do.