All Of These Things Are Just Like The Others

Do you remember that song from Sesame Street, where the characters present several items and sing "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong…"? Kind of a catchy tune for little kids but apparently not entirely scientific in basis.

Let me ask you a question-- What do the following products have in common? Salad Dressing. Toothpaste. Mascara. Spicy Peanut Sauce. Sorbet. Underwater Concrete. Lets see-- salad dressing, toothpaste, peanut sauce and sorbet, all go in your mouth, but not mascara, or concrete. Toothpaste and concrete can be used to fill holes of various sizes, but not the other things on the list. Just you try and fill that drywall hole with salad dressing. Sorbet will fill the hole for a short time but it always melts, and usually stains the wall. So, nothing you say. These things have nothing in common. If you look at these things from a purely functional perspective, you're right, they have nothing in common.

Commonality comes into play when you consider the ingredients. All of these diverse products contain the wonder of the product world—Xanthan Gum. This stuff is used as a thickener in all kinds of products that seemingly have nothing in common. Basically it helps things that become liquid when shaken, thicken back up when they stop being shaken. Pseudoplasticity it's called. Cool word eh? Really rolls off the tongue doesn't it? P s e u d o p l a s t i c i t y. It's hard to believe the range of products that this stuff ends up in. Everything from makeup to toothpaste, food products and construction materials. Maybe we should be looking at it for fuel for cars too. You can buy bags of the stuff at the grocery store. Wouldn't that be great. Need some gas for the car, run to the grocery store, pick up some xanthan gum, mix it up and drive away. I can see the commercials now (cue the announcer voice), "Need gas?
Buy Acme brand home petroleum mix. The only petroleum mix with Xanthan Gum, the best fermented corn sugar polysaccharide money can buy!" Of course some fool would probably blow himself up while mixing it so maybe not such a good idea after all.

What Makes The Wind Blow?

I know that many people who know me and my sense of humour often wonder how my loving bride puts up with me. My range of humour goes from sarcastic to ridiculous. I can usually find something humorous in almost any situation. This can be a good thing sometimes, when the mood needs lightening. At other times… maybe not so much. I love to grab on to something and tease the person mercilessly. It helps that I have a good memory. I can store away little bits of information about someone or an event and then bring it out at the most opportune time to cause the most hilarity, at least for me. Kind of a humour blitzkrieg.

I remember in university when my phone number was a couple of digits off from the local pizza place. From time to time my roommates and I would get calls from people wanting to order pizza. Eventually, I began to get sick of this and started to take orders. "It will be ready in twenty minutes sir." Bad, I know. But eventually people began to dial the right number and the calls stopped and I had fun doing it. And no, the pizza place did not go out of business.

My wife is (thank God) a very understanding and tolerant woman. She puts up with me day in and day out and often just smiles and nods at my observations. I know my kids often get fed up with my antics, but what can I say? While travelling, I often hear from the back seat, "Are we there yet?" I just smile and reply, "Nope, we're still here." Drives them nuts! What else are kids for, right?

I remember once, when my daughter was quite young, she said to me "Daddy, look at the wind blowing the trees!" I wish I could adequately describe the look of utter confusion and wonder that came over her face when I gave her my answer. I knelt down to her level and looked her straight in the eye. Then I said to her with a completely straight face, "How do you now the wind is blowing the trees? Maybe the trees are moving and making the wind!"

Internet, What Would We Do Without You?

I really think we are becoming too dependent on the Internet. I mean, we can hardly do without it in the early part of the 21^st Century. From banking to social networking to research on essay topics and dating, the internet is a part of everyday life for most of us.

I wonder if this dependence is really a good thing. In its original format, the internet was simply a method for sharing information. Used mostly be the military and later research scientists, it was a way to move information from point A to point B quickly and somewhat easily. Now the internet is a bastion, not only for people looking to share information, but for those with too much time on their hands. Do we really need to see video of a stupid kid abusing a cat? Or some overly distraught fan of Brittany Spears crying and ranting like the end of the world has come? How did we ever survive as a species when we actually had to go out and meet people in order to find a date?

I got thinking about this the other day when I was online, vainly trying to find an accurate weather forecast (you already know my feelings on this subject). As I scrolled down the screen I noticed a little box that said "See What The Weather Is Doing Where You Are". I have to admit, it caught my curiosity and I clicked the link. What followed was a list of webcams that showed real time footage of various locations across the country. Not a bad feature I guess. Especially if you never leave the basement and daylight burns your skin like a vampire.

I think we are finally coming to the end of society as we have known it. We no longer have to leave the house to do our banking, pay the bills, shop or date. Now it seems that we no longer have to even look outside to see what is happening with the weather. Perhaps more people should follow the advice my father used to give us when he thought we had not been outside enough. He would enter the room, have a look at the destruction we had wrought and ask "Why don't you go outside and blow the stink off?" Why not indeed, Dad.