The Guide to Campers

My kids love to go camping. They are enthusiastic about every aspect of the whole experience-- from sleeping in a tent, to hiking in the forest, to eating roasted marshmallows over the campfire. From top to bottom, and left to right they LOVE camping. My bride and I also love camping and this past weekend proved to be another successful outing for the entire family. As I walked through the campground I got to thinking about some of the differences between various campers and the strange things we all do when camping. So this will be the first of a couple of blogs devoted to this activity.

As near as I can tell, there seems to be four distinct types of camper. The first type of camper is what I will call the minimalist. This camper arrives at the campground with the bare necessities of the camping experience. Basically they have a tent and sleeping bags, maybe a sleeping mat, some food and a book and not much else. They rely on their campfire or a small cook stove to cook their food and live a Spartan existence while camping.

The second category is what I will call the advanced minimalist. This is the category that my family falls into. We have the tent, stove, coolers for food, lanterns and flashlights, books, some games for rainy days as well as air mattresses for sleeping on and a power inverter for powering our electric pump for blowing up the air mattresses. With a little effort we can fit all of our stuff into our car and can entertain ourselves quite easily for 3 to 5 days. While as a whole my family falls into this category, when it is just my bride and I camping, we can easily revert to our minimalist roots.

The third category is the advanced camper. They can bring anything from a tent to a smallish travel trailer and also have a screened in shelter for eating and socializing in. The camp sites these people occupy look like small compounds or some sort of closed community. There are bikes and boats, lots of outdoor furniture and all kinds of toys littering the site. Just like home.

The fourth camper is the mega advanced camper. These are the people with the huge 40 foot long campers (often called 'land yachts') that have the video cameras on the back instead of a rear view mirror. They sport microwaves, electricity, generators, full bathrooms, dishwashers, air conditioners, satellite dishes and are nicer than most people's homes. More often than not they also pull a small car or truck behind as well. As near as I can tell, these people seem to want the 'atmosphere' of the campground without giving up their daily dose of Oprah in the afternoons or their toys. I have even seen this type of camper bring along their own inflatable pool and set it up beside their palace on wheels! I also saw one last summer pulling a Hummer behind.

So these are the basic types of campers that I have come into contact with. People in the first two categories are out there to enjoy nature, and to 'rough it' a bit. People in the third category like the outdoors and nature but want to have some comforts while they camp. As for the people in the last category… I'm not really sure what they're after.

Next time… The odd things campers do.

Truth in Advertising

I don't usually pay much attention to advertising. I like to think that I am smart enough to avoid the pitfalls that advertisers put out there in order to get me to spend money on things that I probably don't need in the first place. Over the last few weeks though there have been a couple of ads that have caught my attention – but not in the way intended.

The first ad was one I have seen several times on television. It is flogging a new 'frosty' kind of milkshake thing at a national royal dairy retailer. The ad shows the product and the voice over intones that it is blended by hand. All I can think, every time I see it is, "Really?" Is it really blended by hand? Because when I hear that I picture a big vat or bowl of the ingredients and someone's hand reaching in to mix the stuff up. Keeping in mind all of the studies that have been done in recent years about the unhygienic conditions in some restaurants (not necessarily this one in particular) and the poor hand washing techniques of some employees, 'blended by hand' is not a big selling point for me.

The second was a print ad I saw yesterday while perusing the bundle of sale flyers that gets dropped at the end of the driveway each week. Again, I'm not so much looking for inspiration on things that I might want, but more to see if there is anything that I usually use around the house that might happen to be on sale this week. The particular ad in question was for beachwear. The sale they were promoting was for women's bathing suits – bikinis in particular. The ad stated the colours available, sizing and of course price, but the thing that caught my eye was the phrase 'tops or bottoms'. Again, really? Tops OR bottoms – kind of risqué no?

Now I've never been a huge fan of the beach (too far to go, too hot, too much sand inside the shorts) but if this ad is true, then I might just have to rethink this position. It could be an interesting summer at the beach.

Graduation 2009

It's finally here! That time of year that all students work towards for 13 (in N.B., kindergarten to grade 12) long years – Graduation Week. That time of year when all of that hard work (or perhaps slacking off and then panicked work) all pays off. Time for the girls to spend loads of money on hair and make-up, tanning, and a dress you will never wear again (kind of sounds like a wedding). For the guys a time of trying to find that perfect date to show up at the prom with and then grope in the backseat of their '89 LTD in the parking lot. It's a busy time of year what with exams, dress fittings, tux fittings, Baccalaureate services, prom night insanity ('Does this dress make my bum look big?' 'No, honey, but it looks like your boobs may fall out!'), and graduation ceremonies. With all that is going on it is a good thing that we still have the mighty yearbook to fall back on to bring all of these fuzzy memories to light in the years to come.

One of my beautiful bride's responsibilities at the school where she works is to supervise the yearbook. You know, make sure that pictures of events get taken and that all of the various groups and teams get photographed for posterity, check to see that no inappropriate behaviour is photographed and published, that sort of thing. Most everything is done online now, no more 'cut and paste' in the 21^st century in the yearbook room. But on thing that still has to be done by good old pen and paper is the grads list of future plans (FP), favourite memory (FM), date of birth, full name etc.

Being a helpful guy I try and lend my wife a hand whenever I can to lighten the load. This year I volunteered to help proof the grad listings. All I could do was laugh at the same mistake being made now, that some people made when I graduated. Most can get their own names spelled correctly. Some can even get the right birth date and some sort of future plan down on paper. The mistake I mean is listing a favourite memory for a date that hasn't happened yet. Because these books are produced on a schedule, these grad lists have to be entered weeks ahead of time. On listing after listing I continued to see – FM: Prom and grad night with Chris (or Sally or Bob or Martha or whoever). How do they know? It could be the worst night of their lives. Perhaps Chris and Mary break up before prom night. Maybe Bob or Martha get loaded and hook up leaving their real dates high and dry. No one knows how this night is going to turn out.

When I noticed the prospective grads filling out their lists this year I tried to offer some advice against doing this sort of thing. Some listened, others did not. All I could think of as I read the lists was the old adage – Don't count your chickens before they hatch.