Good, Bad and Ugly

There’s No App For This!

2011-04-19T20:15:00.001-03:00

Over the last eight months, I have been completing my Education Degree in a city two counties over. I commute each day – 250 km per day, 1000 km each week for a grand total of 32 000 km by the time I am finished this summer. I spend a lot of time in my car. So as a result I tend to watch car commercials. I find new vehicles interesting. New gadgets, new models, new designs all peak my interest. But I think we have perhaps passed the zenith of human growth and are on the way back down.

Over the last eight months I have seen some fairly dumb stuff while driving. There are the people who text and drive. The ones who eat their breakfast on the way to wherever it is they are going. There is the woman who always seems to be doing her makeup when I see her at the stop light each morning. I even saw a guy shaving a few weeks ago. There was the car that passed me during a snow storm and the driver, who was talking on his phone, blew his horn at me for going too slow. (I guess driving 50kph in a snow storm where visibility was less than 100m was too slow!) All of these people need to budget some more time for themselves. By doing so, they will have more time to pay more attention to their driving. It seems that almost everyone behind the wheel of a car these days is doing something that would be more safely done somewhere else. I guess that's why the commercial I just saw hit close to home.

The ad in question was for a car that has proximity sensors that warn the driver when objects are too close to the car. This car also apparently parallel parks itself. You can see the reason for my assertion that we have reached as high as we can go. We have given up on creating good drivers. It has become too hard to teach people how to drive safely. We have apparently decided that it is easier to invest untold hundreds of thousands of dollars to invent, design and manufacture cars which do all of the things I was taught to do for myself in driver training. That proximity sensing when objects are too close feature—I've got that for free. It's called eyes which are imbedded in a head which swivels on the top of my neck. It works best when my ear is not attached to a cell phone! Parallel parking I learned through practice and using my built in proximity sensors.

If we spent less time with eating, chatting on the phone, personal grooming and actually paid attention to what we are doing, I predict that we wouldn't need this stuff at all. We would actually be able to drive.

Change of Attitude

2011-04-14T20:33:00.003-03:00

Why is it that some attitudes and behaviours change fairly quickly and others hang on like stink on a skunk? With the coming of the spring and warmer temperatures, our attention will turn more and more to outdoor activities. With the coming of summer we will begin to see the UV index getting more press and we will all begin to slather ourselves with sunscreen. It wasn't so long ago that sunscreen was unknown and people more commonly used that wonderful old standby, suntan lotion.

When I speak of 'quickly' I don't mean over night or even several months. As with most things in our world, real change takes years. But in the vast scheme of things I'd say 15 years is pretty quick. In the late 1980s and early '90s I spent my summers working at a summer camp and people using suntan lotion while at the pool. In the three summers that I worked at camp, this use of suntan lotion turned into the use of sunscreen. That's fast. Granted, some people were probably using sunscreen earlier than that, but still… We changed our collective attitude in a matter of a few short years when it came to something that directly affected out health. When the damaging effects of UV radiation on the skin became known, everyone jumped on the sunscreen bandwagon.

Why then, when it comes to pollution, do we not have the same attitude? It affects not only our own lives, but all life on the planet. Just recently in the news we have had reports of oil spills, the debate over hydro fracturing, concerns over fresh water, tar sands debates – the list goes on and on. All of these things will directly affect our health. Have attitudes changed? Do we drive smaller cars and use less gasoline? Nope. In the case of the tar sands, the oil and gas industry has undertaken a re-branding campaign to rename the tar sands the oil sands. I guess it sounds better.

I think the problem becomes one of scale when it comes to the big pollution problems. What can we, as individuals, do to effect change on a large scale? Where do we start? How about on the small scale first? With the coming of spring and the anticipation of slathering ourselves with sunscreen, comes the melting of the snow that has accumulated over the long months of winter. As that snow melts we get to see the detritus that people have tossed out the window of their cars over the preceding months. What if we started by placing refuse in the proper receptacle? Recyclables in the blue bag, compost in the compost bin, and the remaining garbage in the garbage bag instead of along the side of the road. If we start to look after the little things, the attitude will eventually move up to the larger problems. If we're lucky it will happen just as quickly as the change from suntan lotion to sunscreen.

The Machines Have Won

2011-03-04T17:47:00.001-04:00

First there was the cell phone. For millions and millions of people, a first line of communication and interaction between themselves and others. Then there was the internet with all kinds of social networking and virtual worlds in which people can lose themselves. Then Watson came along and won Jeopardy, beating the famed Ken Jennings. It seems that machines are taking over.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a Luddite. I like technology as much as the next guy. I've got a computer, iPod, GPS, and any other number of gadgets. They all do their job extremely well. The one thing they can't do is think. All of these devices are only as good as the developers and programmers who put them together. Why is it then that we are slowly allowing them to take over our lives? I've seen people walk into light posts while texting and walking down the sidewalk. I've seen people get into accidents because they were talking on the phone. Now someone has spent three days in the woods because of a GPS device.

Here's what I don't understand – Was this person not driving the car? Who was making the decisions about where the car was going? Does this person have no common sense? As near as I can tell the person in question was travelling from point A to point B and relying on an in car GPS to get there. The road from this point A to point B is really straight forward. I've been on it. Basically follow the road signs and you will get where you are going. This person however allowed the GPS to take a route that led from a main highway to a secondary road to an unpaved and unplowed logging road where the car became stuck and where it remained for 3 days.

Here are my questions: Did you not notice the road signs directing you to your destination? Were you paying attention as each successive road became less and less passable? When did you let the machine take over activities (like thinking) better left to your brain?

I like machines and gadgets. They make my life easier and more enjoyable. I do not let them run my life though. They are tools which are only as good as the user and developer can make them. I use my own common sense and intuition to make my decisions. Apparently common sense is becoming less and less common.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

2010-09-09T14:16:00.001-03:00

Those who know me well know that I love to read. A manual on how to build a garage -- no problem. A discussion of what it was like to fight in a war -- bedtime reading. A thick tome on the development of the theory and practices behind underwater firefighting -- bring it on. I can read just about anything as long as I can find something to be interested in. For hours, I can sit and loose myself in a novel. I can digest instructions on how to do something. I love to learn new information on a topic that I know next to nothing about. Funny how all that changes when you are required to read something.

Now that I'm a student again, I know in my head that there will be lots of reading. The difference in what I read before I go to bed or what I read to procrastinate in the afternoon to avoid doing something is that, in those situations, I'm the one doing the choosing. When reading for class work, there is no choice. 'This is the proscribed article, chapter or text and you need to read it by the end of whenever.' The problem with reading for someone else is finding that 'thing' to be interested in. I know, I know… I should find the interest in knowing that if I complete the assigned readings and work that I will receive a degree at the end of the program and that will be my reward. I know it. You can tell it to me. Putting it into practice is something else entirely.

I find that the problem in reading academic articles and books is that, too often, the author seems to like the sound of their own voice (typographically speaking), too much. Instead of stating something in 200 pages, it seems to take 5 or 600. Do these people get paid by the word?

Anyway, I'm here now. I know that the end result will make up for the required reading time. Hopefully as the semester goes on the readings will get more interesting. I just hope nobody draws on me when I fall asleep in the library.

Sorry, We’re Closed

2010-09-04T19:38:00.001-03:00

It would be an understatement to say that I dislike shopping. I see it as a kind of necessary evil in life. It's like getting a root canal or cranberry sauce at thanksgiving. You know in your head that there is a reason for it and that it might make things better, but you don't rush out to get it.

I believe that shopping should be avoided for as long as it can be and then gotten over with as fast as possible. I don't mind grocery shopping. It's the shopping for clothing that I don't like. I'm not one of these guys who sends their wife out to buy underwear or socks or whatever. I do it when I need to. It might take a while for me to get around to it, but when I make up my mind to go shopping I want to do it right now. Kind of like tearing off a bandage. Best to just rip it right off and get it over with.

This evening was one of those times when I decided to pick up a couple of things. I don't care if what I want is on sale or is even more expensive than normal when I decide to go shopping – I want it now. So I went online and checked availability of the items I wanted at a national chain store located in my town and checked the store hours to make sure that they were indeed open (I hate going to a business during normal business hours only to find them closed). So yes, open until 9:00pm – Great!

My bride and I drove to the establishment in question and arrived at 6:45pm only to find the lights off, the doors locked and the place closed up tighter than knot. So slightly frustrated, we tried 3 alternative stores that I thought I might have what I wanted. No luck with them either. Apparently there is a conspiracy to keep me from spending my money on clothing. Call me crazy, but if you publish your store hours on a website and make it public, should you not be open during those stated hours? Not in my town apparently.

Here We Go Again

2010-08-28T10:52:00.001-03:00

Back in 2008 when I started this blog, it was just after we had completed a Federal Election here in Canada. Now here we are in 2010 and in New Brunswick, we are beginning a Provincial Election. I thought it only fitting to put a few words to computer screen in honour of that event.

The thing I think I love the most about elections in general is the fact that politicians are so determined to get themselves elected or re-elected that they promise everyone everything. Then they wonder why the public gets upset when they can't come through with the goods. We are only a couple of days into the process here in NB and already the promises are flying fast and furious. So far our politicians have promised to decrease taxes, increase spending and reduce the deficit. Now, I don't remember being overly good at math when I was in school, but I do know that you can't reduce income (taxes) at the same time you increase spending and reduce debt. Simple logic tells me this, not math genius.

Anyway, it will all be over in a month and we will be richer democratically for the experience, if not provincially. In anticipation of a long month of politicians promising me the world I give you my New Brunswick Election 2010 Playlist.

On The Road Again – Willie Nelson
Little Lies – Fleetwood Mac
Hard Times and Misery – Travis Tritt
No Honour Among Thieves – Toby Keith
Keep On Talking – World on Edge
A Little Less Talk & A lot More Action – Elvis
What Might Have Been – Little Texas
Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone – Glass Tiger

Enjoy the promises and electioneering. Don't forget to exercise your democratic responsibility. Vote.

Strange Bedfellows

2010-08-25T09:15:00.001-03:00

Back around Father's Day I developed a new, kind of, sort of, hobby. For Father's Day I received a new iPod Touch and have been fascinated by the whole iTunes thing ever since. I know, I know, I'm coming late to the dance, but there it is.

What I find particularly fascinating is the variation of what pops up on the screen when browsing Apps for the device. As I understand it, in some search modes, the Apps that appear come up in relation to how popular they are. Not surprisingly, the first few pages that you browse are mostly games and productivity Apps. The things that help to make you both a better and worse user of time. It's the Apps that show up as you browse farther and farther into the selections that really crack me up. Not necessarily the uses for the Apps but the Apps that appear beside one another.

One day while browsing the offerings I noticed some pairings that seemed odd beside one another. Now I find myself looking for these incongruous couples almost every time I log on. In one grouping I found a listing for a pacifist group directory next to a directory of gun dealers in the U.S. Another time there was an App on how to deal with problem animals next to something for the SPCA. The one I really had to laugh at though was one that, given our society and the number of divorces and failed relationships, seemed to explain it all. It was a grouping of five apps on the same line. Reading from left to right there were apps for a dating service, a wedding planner, a sexual position guide, and a divorce info app and another dating service. Quite a commentary on how things are isn't it?

My Cousin’s Nephew’s Daughter’s Father-in-Law…

2010-07-22T15:00:00.003-03:00

I think that there should be a limit on how far we can go to describe someone's relationship to someone else in public life. Unless you are filling out a genealogical form and are trying to describe who in your family crossed the land bridge from Asia to North America, there is no reason to describe someone as your 'mother's sister's nephew's cousin's Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather's niece 3 times removed.

I don't know what it's like in your province or state, but here in New Brunswick I think we have a bit of an insecurity complex. We seem to need to find ways to connect ourselves to famous people in the news. The other day as I was listening to the provincial news and there was an item about how some guy somewhere got a new high profile job. 'Good for him,' I thought, 'but why is this local news?' Then came the reason why it was included on the news -- he had a vague distant relationship to someone in New Brunswick. Great on the guy. He worked hard and got a great job and is in charge of all of the Underwater Firefighters in the world or some such, but who cares who he's related to here.

The next time I heard the item I traced the relationship and it turns out this guy's great grandmother was related to the distant cousin of someone who lives here. My question becomes – Who cares? Why do we care how he might be related to someone here. He probably doesn't know where we are and couldn't care less. Are we really that hard up for news that we are now farming obscure relationships in order to fill the news broadcasts? There must be something happening somewhere that merits reporting more than this. At least I hope so. Would it have been so bad to just leave this story off the news? Even no news is better than this.

Hot, Hot, Hot

2010-07-07T10:33:00.002-03:00

Well, it is now going on the third day of +30 degree temperatures here in Atlantic Canada. I don't mind the heat so much as the humidity that goes with it so often here. For example, right now as I type this at 10:15am the temperature outside is a balmy 21C. Not too bad right? Add in the humidity and that temperature feels like 28C. Forecasts for the rest of the day are looking like 30C and humidex (we even have a word for it) rating in the high 30s. So in recognition of the first real taste of the summer heat I present the Hot, Hot, Hot playlist.
     1. Summer's Comin' – Clint Black
     2. Burning Love – Elvis
     3. Hell's Bells -- ACDC
     4. Standing Outside The Fire – Garth Brooks
     5. Weather With You – Crowded House
     6. Summer in the City – The Lovin' Spoonful
     7. California Sun – The Rivieras
     8. Summer Nights – Van Halen
     9. Thunderstruck – ACDC
    10. Here Comes the Rain Again -- Eurythmics
    11. Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffet

Enjoy the Heat!

Cheers, Jeers and Tears

2010-06-23T13:03:00.001-03:00

So we are now thirteen days into what has been billed as the biggest sporting event in the world – The World Cup. Even here in Canada, where hockey takes centre stage for 10 months of the year, soccer (or football, if you prefer) is a huge sport. The simplicity of the sport has a lot to do with it's popularity. Really all you need is a ball. Unlike most other sports where you need hundreds and even thousands of dollars of equipment, anybody anywhere can cobble together a ball and have a game of soccer. I also like the fact that for 3 years and ten months you also hear very little about the sport. Than there is a big flurry of excitement during the World Cup and then poof, nothing again for 3 years and ten months. The players go off and begin another run up to the next World Cup in the shadows of Major League Baseball, NFL and Hockey coverage.

Even while watching matches on television you can see why the sport is so popular. It has everything. You get to see the drama of the underdog pulling off a win over the favourite. The bitter taste of defeat for the loser and the rejoicing of the winners. You've got suspense, mainly because of the interminably long times between goals and the large numbers of close misses. Comedy comes from the invariably British commentators and their dry wit and cutting comments. Then there are the ridiculously insane fans who dance and sing and make fools of themselves on world wide television. All in all what more can you ask for? Perhaps less acting?

If you have even seen a soccer match on television for twenty seconds while channel surfing, you've probably seen what I'm talking about. One player bumps into another and the second player falls to the ground in a wonderful exhibition of dramatic acrobatics and flailing. Then they begin acting -- clutching their foot, ankle, shin, knee, thigh, arm, head… really any body part that comes to mind. Then we get to watch them roll about on the ground moaning and keening about their injury for several minutes. In some cases you think to yourself – 'Wow, that guy is really hurt.' It even goes so far as to require the medical team to run out onto the field, stretcher in hand to check out the injured actor, uh um, make that player. Sorry. Finally, miraculously, the player stands, shakes the offending body part and runs off to continue play.

Don't get me wrong, soccer can be rough. I remember a friend who played having his nose broken during a match. Ankles get sprained and broken, and muscles pulled and strained. We were always taught to play hard, do your best and play it straight. If you went down with an injury you had better be injured or the coach would pull you out of the game and you spent the rest of the day warming the bench. Why not make it the same World Cup play? If a player goes down and then miraculously, after a huge show, can continue playing with no ill effects – off he goes. He should be done for the game. Period. These guys are supposed to be the best players in the world. If they can't win by playing their best, too bad. Try harder next time. If they want to perform they should go to their local community theatre group or to Hollywood. At least in Hollywood they give out trophies for outstanding dramatic performances.

Life After The Book of Faces

2010-06-21T08:24:00.001-03:00

Even though it has been a month since my last post, it's nice to know that some things remain constant. There are still examples of foolish political decisions, sports stars are still doing foolish things and we are still destroying the environment at an astonishing rate. Surprisingly, the last month has also brought the largest changes in the world of my computer/online life as well. I took the plunge and deleted my account with facebook. I know. Wow! And yet, the sun is still rising in the east and the tide is still rising and falling as usual.

It's hard to imagine how ubiquitous this social networking site has become until you leave it. People quickly get into the habit of going online every day (sometimes for hours on end) and checking up on what their friends are doing, stalking old girlfriends and boyfriends and lurking on people's home pages. This site has taken over social events, business functions and personal news to such an extent that when you no longer take part it's like you've left a cult. Because 'everyone' is on facebook, people no longer tell you about what is going on because they think you are still there.

When I left I took the step of announcing it in my status a couple of weeks before I hit the delete button. It was there in type, proudly proclaiming my intention to leave at the end of the month. I got much grief over this from co-workers. My reasoning was that there were people, 'friends', who I was not in contact everyday or even every week, who might like to stay in contact with me when I was gone from the site. This would give people a chance to get my e-mail address and blog info before it was gone. Pretty considerate, I thought. It was then that I began to realize that people don't read status updates.

Just the other day, almost a month from the date that I left facebook, someone who was a 'friend' stopped me in the street and asked me why I didn't show up on their friends list anymore. After I explained why I was no longer there I got an ear full about how inconsiderate I was not to be on facebook and how I should go back on. Because I was having a not so great day I decided to turn the conversation around and asked why they didn't know I was going to quit when I had announced it for everyone weeks in advance. Turns out that this 'friend' had blocked me from their news feed, because they only wanted to follow a few people's news. As I pressed further, it turned out hat this person was not really interested in who their friends were only in how many friends they had online. I thanked them for making my point and continued on my grumpy way.

In the month since my departure things have gone back to the way they were B.f. (Before facebook). I see co-workers when I work, talk to relatives intermittently, and I attend the events and activities I want to attend. All of this with no requests for boards for barns in 'farmville' or requests to join the fight for some-cause-that-I-should-care-about-but-really-don't-group. I must say that I don't miss the site at all. My life has gone on much as it did before and that really says it all doesn't it?

The Winds of Change

2010-05-17T08:45:00.003-03:00

Can you hear that slight gurgling noise? That's the sound of the most recent environmental catastrophe/disaster/fiasco that we human's have inflicted upon this planet. Yep, thousands of litres of crude oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. For almost a month now the fruits of our industry have been polluting the waters of the gulf and every attempt to fix the problem has so far failed. Beginning with lobbyists who convinced the government that there was no issue when it came to blowouts on wells in the gulf, to the ridiculous plans to fix a rapidly growing environmental nightmare, I'm beginning to wonder if this oil company has ever dealt with oil wells before. The question is now becoming, not what can we do to stop this problem, but who can we blame.

If this oil leak doesn't spur us on to look for alternative sources of fuel and energy there is something wrong. It's not like we have no other options when it comes to this. What about solar energy? Why not take some money and focus our efforts on equipping every home with a solar panel or two to help reduce the need for reliance on fossil fuel for heating and electricity? What about wind farms? Why not put some money into developing more efficient ways to harness the power of the wind? Use that to further reduce the need for coal burning power plants. It will undoubtedly take time and money, but if we don't start calling for major changes and soon, things can only get worse.

We all give lip service to the whole 'green living' thing, but we really don't care. If we did we would have mandatory composting and recycling and would have a maximum number of allowable garbage bags on the curb per week. Anything over that number and we pay for it. Watch how fast your household waste diminishes when you begin to pay for all those items you throw out that should be sent to a recycling centre or put in the compost bin.

If we really cared we would all be driving the smallest vehicle we could based on need. There would be very few SUVs on the road. When I was in town the other day, I saw a woman parking a huge truck that was proudly emblazoned with a 'V12 Engine' badge. Why on earth does anyone need a huge truck to go get groceries and pay the bills? I like driving as much as anyone, but do we really pay what we should for gasoline? Do you really think that $1.03 a litre is the real cost of producing gasoline? What if we add in the money spent on cleaning up the Exxon Valdez spill and the Ocean Ranger, the Great Barrier Reef and now the Gulf of Mexico? How much is that litre of gas now?

If we really cared we would buy what fruits and vegetables were in season at the grocery store and based on where they came from. If we had to pay for things based on how far they travelled from where they grow to the grocery store shelf would you really need that pineapple? Last I checked, strawberries don't grow well in Canada in January. When was the last time you went out for a walk saw a mango tree? Kiwis grow where?

We need to start calling for smarter design in our appliances so that they are more energy efficient. We need to start building houses and buildings with an eye to making them as efficient as possible so as to waste as little energy as possible. We need to start telling our politicians that where we live (the planet Earth) is important to us. Until we do -- change will never happen.

When it comes to answering the question of who to blame, we need only to look in the mirror. If we don't make changes in how we live and soon, we soon won't have anywhere to live.

Pre-Natal Weight Loss Plan

2010-05-12T09:00:00.001-03:00

There have been plenty of items in the news over the last couple of years bemoaning the fact that people are getting bigger. Not just getting taller or evolving bigger feet, but getting bigger weight wise. I've even bemoaned the fact that I too have a few extra pounds that I would rather be without. Now it seems that we've given up on trying to get people to watch their weight themselves and are now going after that last remaining area of weight loss potential – babies in the womb.

A new study is going to track pregnant mothers and their caloric intake and exercise during their pregnancy to see if what a mother does and eats during the nine month gestation will have any effect on the future weight of their baby. In an attempt to prevent fat kids, doctors are hoping to head off the chubby at the pass. The idea is that if mothers follow a better plan during their pregnancy, the result will be more 'normal' birth weight babies and a reduction in childhood obesity.

I'm not a scientist and I don't even play one on television, but I do have kids. I've seen kids. I know of kids and I know people who have kids. Here's what I've noticed. Those people who have kids and participate in sports (or get any kind of exercise) and get off the couch, have fairly 'normal' weighted kids. Those who do not go out for walks, play in the park, play sports, walk the dog (scratch their bums, whatever) and spend more time in front of a television or playing video games have rather more, shall we say, large children. This is by no means the same in every case and not every situation is the same but…

When I was young (cue the old time music), days were usually spent outside running around like untamed lunatics. Most of the kids I hung around with were of, what most people would consider, 'normal' weight. There were a few kids who had a couple of extra pounds (probably what would be considered obese today), but that was 'just them'. They were 'big boned'. That was what they were. There was no real judgement and life went on. Looking at these kids now that they are grown ups (at least chronologically) they look 'normal'. Some of those who were what might be seen as the fittest when we were kids are now not. Some people grew into their fitness and some grew out of it. That's life.

I think that if we, as a society, really want to combat childhood obesity then we should look at the real culprits – fast food, lack of exercise and helicopter parenting. It's a vicious circle. A kid spends too much time in front of a television, begins to get fat, starts to feel bad about himself, doesn't feel like exercising and the parent takes him to a fast food place to eat crappy food to make him feel better and then writes notes to the phys ed teacher to say that little Theophilus can't take part in gym class because it makes him feel bad about himself. Repeat cycle.

Last I checked, feeling good about yourself and self esteem were self generated and nothing anybody can say or do will give them to you – just like fitness.

Man vs. Mother Nature

2010-04-19T19:18:00.001-03:00

We humans are a funny lot. We are so ego-centric that we can hardly see past our own sense of self worth and accomplishments. Looking at what we have done over the last few thousand years or so and you can see why this might be the case. Pyramids of various designs. A giant wall. Large buildings and hydro electric dams. Automobiles and airplanes. Wireless communications and the internet. Space travel and the moon landings. Man has done all of these things in a relatively short amount of time. We've only had the ability to fly for 107 years. That's not really very long. How many thousands of years did it take for Mother Nature to carve out the Grand Canyon? So yes, I guess it might be understandable for mankind to become a victim of believing in it's own success. But then every so often Mother Nature gives us a smack upside the head.

Mankind has always had the 'lets conquer nature because we can' kind of attitude. We try to tame rivers for power. We overcome the fact that we can't fly naturally and build machines to help us do that. In case you might not have noticed, there is no life in space because there is no air there. But we humans don't avoid space. No. We build space craft to enable us to leave the one place that has an environment that allows us to live in order to travel somewhere that doesn't. We humans are never content. We believe that the world is our oyster and that the grass is always greener somewhere else. Then something happens that shows us how the deck is really stacked. Hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, snow storms and flooding all show us that our accomplishments are really just passing fads.

Take the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland. Nothing like some dust spewing from a volcano to make things come to a screeching stop. For the past five days the air space over eastern Europe has been closed to air traffic. People are sleeping in airports and paying outrageous amounts of money for a tiny piece of floor space in hotel rooms because their flights have been cancelled due to what amounts to Mother Nature farting. Because really in the most basic sense that is what a volcanic eruption is—the planet passing gas. If Mother Nature can cause this amount of chaos with a fart, lets hope that she never gets tired of us living here or we're in deep trouble.

The Centennial Edition

2010-04-06T09:30:00.001-03:00

This post is a thank you. A thank you to you the readers of this blog. This post right here, that you are reading, right this second, marks the 100^th post in the online life of Good, Bad & Ugly! One hundred posts! Wow. Who would have thought that when I posted that first piece about the results of the federal election on October 16, 2008 I would still be posting in 2010. Over that period of time there have been approximately 728 (as of this morning) visits to the blog. Not only from Canada and the U.S., but places like Brazil, Pakistan, Sweden, Sri Lanka, Great Britain and Japan. Who would have thought?

Many of you have commented on pieces that I have written and have even signed on as 'followers'. It's nice to know that someone out there is reading my ramblings and feel comfortable in responding to something that I've written – either to agree with what I've said or to provide a different perspective on a given topic.

One of my kids asked me the other day how long I was going to continue writing the blog. My response was 'as long as people continue to read it'. Goodness knows that there is never any shortage of topics – only time.

So again thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Feel free to pass the link along to others who you think might enjoy it. The more the merrier.

Here's to 100 more posts! Cheers.

Happy Lirpa Sloof Day

2010-04-01T08:51:00.002-03:00

Well in the spirit of the day I have decided to pass along some of my favourite April Fool's day pranks that have been perpetrated on the public over the years. An expanded list can be found at http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/P0/
Swiss Spaghetti Harvest – In 1957 BBC reported that thanks to a warmer than normal winter and the elimination of the Spaghetti Weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper crop of spaghetti. The story included photos of happy farmers harvesting spaghetti from trees. The BBC received many calls from people wondering how they could get their own spaghetti tree.
Left-Handed Whopper – In 1998 Burger King Restaurants announced that they would be offering a left handed whopper for their left handed patrons. The burger would have all the regular ingredients but the condiments on the burger would be rotated 180 degrees for better enjoyment of left handed people. Thousands of people requested the new sandwich and many complained that there was no special right handed version.
Metric Time – In 1975 Australia's This Day Tonight news program reported that the country would soon be switching to Metric Time. Under the new Metric Time system there would be '100 seconds to the minute, 100 minutes to the hour, and 20-hour days'. Along with the new time system would come new names – 'seconds would become millidays, minutes become centidays, and hours become decidays'. The report went on to state that new 10 hour Metric Clocks would be introduced.
Wisconsin State Capitol Collapses – In 1933 it was announced by the Madison Capital-Times that the Wisconsin State Capitol building had been rocked by a series of mysterious explosions and had collapsed. The explosions were attributed to the 'large quantities of gasses' expelled by legislators during debates.
MITkey Mouse – In 1998 the Massachusetts Institute of Technology web page broke the news that the famous tech school had been sold to the Disney Corporation. It went on to report that new schools of study would be offered and would include 'the School of Imagineering, the Scrooge McDuck School of Management, and the Donald Duck Department of Linguistics'.

An Answer To The Great Question

2010-03-31T13:36:00.001-03:00

Well it began again this morning. They rehashed it again on the radio. The question that arises every couple of years. The question that everyone wants an answer to. It's a question that really gets me going. It drives me nuts. That question is, of course -- why don't more young people take part in politics? This question usually comes up just after an election (why it showed up today is beyond me) because statistically, people at the lower end of the voting age limit, tend to not take part in the process. This disengagement with the political life of the country, province, city or town, where these young people live worries those elected officials in the halls of politics. After all, if the younger people don't vote, how will they get elected? Many reasons for this lack of interest are given by people 'in the know'. Lack of knowledge, lack of engagement with the issues of the day, lack of a will to do anything about the problems facing our world. All good reasons. All potentially correct, but none of them address the real problems.

Over the last few years here in Canada, we have seen many things happen in the political world. Not all of them good. There have been scandals involving money. Political parties using less than squeaky clean procedures to divert money to supporters. Questionable awarding of government contracts. Election funding problems. The list goes on. Then there are the people who we actually willingly voted for to represent us in the House of Commons. If you happen to have access to CPAC or are able to attend a sitting of Parliament you will quickly get the picture. I will admit that not all of the representatives are taking part in the chaos but what is with the catcalls, yelling, interruptions and bad behaviour? How can anyone possibly respect these elected officials? I won't compare them to children because that would be an insult to children. Most kids know when they are behaving badly and take steps to change. The sad thing is that the ones who are behaving properly and doing their jobs are being painted with the same brush as the yahoos. Then come the public displays of stupidity that seem to happen every day (or at least every other day). Tirades in airports. Blame for mistakes shifted to staffers. Lack of accountability for personal actions. Misrepresented facts and seemingly complete disregard for the intelligence of the people who elected them.

Personally, I don't think that young people (and yes, I include myself in that group) are being given credit for the intelligence that they have. We can see what's going on. We do listen to the news. We do read newspapers and websites. Perhaps the reason for the lack of engagement of younger people is so obvious that it escapes the notice of the people in power. If our political representatives are looking for reasons why younger people are not engaging in the political process then perhaps they should look in the mirror and ask themselves a few hard questions. What did I do today to make my country better? Did I do anything that might reflect badly on myself, my constituents or my country? Did my political party live up to it's ideals today? What can I do tomorrow to make things better?

If our elected officials are not part of the solution -- they're part of the problem.

I’ll Watch… If It’s Convenient

2010-03-30T18:16:00.001-03:00

As I've probably mentioned before, we don't watch a huge amount of television at our house. There are only 5 or 6 shows that we watch on a semi regular basis and maybe 2 or 3 more that we will watch if they are on and we happen to be in front of the television without the remote. One of the reasons for this lack of television viewing is that we lead fairly busy lives and between work, running kids about and our preference for reading, television sometimes gets pushed aside. The other reason for this is that we don't have cable or satellite service. Not that it isn't available where we live, we just don't choose to pay for it. That and let's face it, I'm cheap. The good old rabbit ears on top of the t.v. are good enough for me.

If I do miss a show that I want to see I just head on over to the internet and watch it online. There are several things I like about this option. I like that I can watch when I want to watch, no set schedule to follow and be hampered by. There are fewer commercials to sit through. I realize that programming has to be paid for but when you figure that 1 hour of television is actually made up of about 18 minutes of commercial time… Let's just say that I have better things to do. That leads directly to the fact that watching online takes up less time. I can watch what would be an hour long program on television in about 45 minutes online. One thing I have noticed is that the few commercials that do appear online seem to load, buffer and stream faster than the show I am trying to watch. Not always and not all the time, but enough to notice. If you can get the commercials to play that way why not the show itself?

I have to admit that in this case the old way might actually be better than the new. Remember when you had to set your VCR to record the shows you wanted? Obviously this assumes that you managed to get the clock on it set right in the first place. You had to make sure that it started and stopped at the correct time so that you didn't end up with an episode of (insert sarcasm here) Melrose Place instead of the vastly superior 90210. Although it did have it's drawbacks and problems, at least when you watched what you recorded it played from start to finish without the annoying 'Buffering' message. You could still watch the program faster than on television by fast forwarding through the commercials and you could stop it and start it at any point in the program to go and get another slice of pizza. The other main benefit to the old way was that the show was longer. Yep. Only 12 minutes of commercials in the late 80s and early 90s. Ah, the good old days.

‘Cause That Was The Fashion Of The Time

2010-03-29T08:40:00.001-03:00

Fashion trends come and fashion trends go. We've all seen them. Remember the whole Michael Jackson-red-leather-jacket-with-zippers-all-over thing? I usually don't go in for the latest greatest thing when it comes to fashion. I was never a big fan of and am proud to say I have never owned parachute pants. Sometimes, and not very often, in the now far distant past (read mid to late '80s), I did get sucked into the whole fashion trend thing. I'm sure that somewhere, although I hope not, there is a photo of me dressed like Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice. Yep, white linen pants and jacket with a pastel coloured t-shirt and boat shoes with no socks. Then there was the MacGyver phase. Luckily I came to my senses before my mullet got too out of control. I do still carry my Swiss Army knife. For the most part though, classic blue jeans and a t-shirt suit me just fine. For dress up times, perhaps a nice pressed cotton shirt and some cotton pants. If I must, I will wear a tie.

Why is it that some styles fall out of favour, while others just keep going? Think about all of the fashions that have come and gone (read most clothing purchased in the 80s). In some cases the style changes because of environmental factors. Can you imagine tramping through the Canadian winter with a nice pair of Shakespearian hose keeping you warm? Corsets have gone the way of the dinosaur. Ladies, how would you like to be laced into one of those torso squeezing torture devices every morning? The list could go on and on and on.

The one thing that has kept being used though is the neck tie. It was first used in the 1600s and although it has gone through several changes, has been in almost constant use for the better part of 400 years. Why? Neck ties are just a… well, pain in the neck. I once heard wearing a neck tie described as being choked by a really weak person for the whole day. Over the years the neck tie has been used as a symbol of belonging to certain clubs and schools and still are to some extent today. Eventually they have become synonymous with what is considered business attire. Why? Even in places where the wearing of a tie could be dangerous they are still used. Instead of getting rid of them we developed clip on ones.

'What's the big deal,' many people say. The problems with deciding to wear a tie are seemingly never ending. Firstly, which tie do you choose? Paisley, solid, stripped or novelty? Do you wear pattered ties only with solid coloured shirts and only solid ties with patterned shirts or can you mix and match? Then there is the never ending struggle to get the thing tied correctly. Do you use a Windsor knot? Which of the four ways to tie the Windsor knot do you use? Or maybe a Half-Windsor? Or maybe a Four-in-hand, or a Kelvin, or Victoria, Oriental, St. Andrew, Plattsburg, Cavendish, Grantchester… There are even books to help you decide on which of the 85 possible knots to use and how to tie them! AARGH! All of this aggravation for a piece of cloth to show how 'professional' you are.

Remember the saying "You can't tell a book by it's cover"? I always figured that people were like books. Some of the best books I have read were pretty rough on the outside. By the same token, some of the most interesting people I have met were the same. Just because someone has on a nice tie does not make them any more or less professional.

It’s Not Summer Yet

2010-03-19T08:26:00.001-03:00

It happens every year. The sheath of ice that covers the river in front of my home gets dull and grey. Then as the days get warmer and the strength of the sun increases, the ice grows dark menacing patches. Eventually the incoming and outgoing tidal action forces breaks in the ice cover and the shrinking chunks float towards the bay. I love this time of year. It's nice to know that soon I will be out on the water again in my canoe. That soon the woods will be clear of snow and I can hit the trails on my bike. Although the days are warmer and the temptation to break out the warm weather gear is there I still remember my father saying "It's not summer yet."

The other day I was running errands in town and while I was enjoying the warm day, I was also aware of the chill that was ready to grab at me from the shadows. Being the middle of March that should not be surprising. But some people seemed to think that summer had already arrived. One guy was wearing a tank top and his girlfriend was in flip flops. I was going to point out the date to them and which season it still was but figured that I would either pay for their stupidity through my taxes (for their inevitable health care costs) or with my teeth (from his evident potential for 'roid rage') so I let it go. Even though my father was one to wear his long winter underwear until at least mid-June (and put it back on at the end of August) he did have a point. Although the days are definitely warmer and the snow is going fast, as soon as that ice leaves the river the temperature takes a drop. It has to do with the water temperature and the wind blowing across the surface of that cold water. Although the temperature on the thermometer at the south side of the house shows shorts and t-shirt time, just walk around to the north side of the house and into the wind for a minute. Does a phrase concerning a brass monkey come to mind?

So while I will enjoy the increasing temperatures and the decreasing snow banks, I think I will spend my time in preparing my toys for the coming season instead of forcing it to come before it is ready. Like dad said "It's not summer yet." But maybe it's getting close!

Who Cut The Cheese?

2010-03-15T08:31:00.001-03:00

We've all been there. We do something that at the time seems like a, well maybe not a good idea, but at least not a bad one, and something untoward happens. I remember when I was a little kid my parents telling me not to put anything into the electrical outlet (except a plug). There was no reason why, just don't do it. Of course, being a little kid, I had time on my hands and a fork. Lesson learned. Many of life's lessons are like this. We try something and we learn something from the result of our actions. Most of the time it is the fear of the results that keeps us from doing that particular thing again. Touching the hot stove, learning that your bike only defies gravity for so long before you crash into the side of the ditch, touching your tongue to the frosty metal swing set, holding that firecracker just a little too long.

You would think that a little pain, or even seeing a little pain in others, would be enough to dissuade us from attempting something questionable or dangerous. Apparently not. In England there is an annual event where a cheese wheel is rolled down a steep hill and people chase after it. (Don't judge, just accept it and move on.) Now, before you dismiss this event, lets just say that this hill would be one you would be hard pressed to walk up, let alone run down while trying to catch a cheese. Apparently the cheese can hit speeds of 65 kilometres an hour! Injuries are an annual occurrence. Sprained ankles, broken wrists, broken arms & legs, cuts, bruises, and concussions all occur on a regular basis. Take a minute and look it up online. Better yet search out a video and have a look. Now you know what I'm talking about.

This event has taken place annually for the better part of 200 years! Now it has, sadly, been cancelled. Not because the cheese has never, in 200 years, been caught. Not because people got tired of waking up in hospital or got scared off by the sight of people pin wheeling down a hill after a cheese, or because there was a lack of interest. Nope. The cause of the cancellation was too much interest. Last year 15,000 people showed up to watch or take part. Apparently they ran out of room and spectators were starting to get hurt. Not surprising. Can you imagine showing up to watch and getting hit by a speeding cheese wheel? In this case it wasn't people taking part in the event learning from the painful results of their actions that caused the end of the race. It was other, smarter people, protecting participants from themselves that put the brakes on things. I guess someone decided that common sense was not so common and decided to cut the cheese.

Nothing Is Ever Easy

2010-03-08T10:17:00.002-04:00

Why is it that what you might suppose should be an easy job ends up being an exercise in pain and suffering? I don't know if you do any of your own car repairs, but most of the time, doing things yourself is a great way to save some money. Changing your oil, rotating your tires, changing lights and such yourself all saves money. Sometimes though, what seems like a good way to save a few dollars ends up being a time consuming experiment in human patience. Take my latest attempt at saving money for example – changing a blown headlight bulb.
At first look you might think that this would be an easy job. First you have the problem. A broken bulb. So you look up the part number and head to the local purveyor of car parts and buy a bulb. (I got two just to save a trip later. Smart eh?) Then I headed home to what I thought should be a 15 minute job. Pull out the old bulb from the holder and unhook the electrical connection. Hook up the new bulb and replace in the holder. Wham bam thank you man. Easy as pie. What follows is a step by step outline of what really happened, minus the muttered, shall we say, unfriendly, language. Feel free to use this in your next attempt to change a headlight bulb.

Lift the hood of the car.
Locate the bulb to be replaced.
Realize that my hand is too big to fit into the space available.
Remove the plastic shield that is causing the restricted space.
Again attempt to remove the bulb from the headlamp.
Again realize that the space available is too small. (Swear.)
Realize that the battery must be removed to access the headlamp. (Swear.)
Try to remove the battery.
Realize that the retaining bold is rusted in place.
Soak the retaining bolt with penetrating fluid.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Attempt to remove the battery retaining bolt. Drop the socket into the engine compartment. (Swear.)
Spend 10 minutes trying to retrieve the lost socket.
Finally remove battery retaining bolt and battery.
Remove the protective cover from the headlight assembly.
Pinch my fingers trying to remove the retaining spring.
Unhook electrical connections.
Discard broken bulb.
Hook up new bulb and replace in headlight assembly.
Realize that there is no way to test the new bulb without replacing the battery. (Swear.)
Replace battery.
Test headlights.
Rejoice that the new bulb works.
Reassemble the parts from steps 4 thru 13 in reverse order.
Wonder what the extra bolt is for. (Swear.)
Disassemble parts from steps 4 thru 13 while muttering swear words.
Reassemble parts from steps 4 thru 13 correctly.
Close the hood.
Wonder why this aggravation is worth the effort.

There you have it. Usually I am able to accomplish most tasks with a minimum of fuss and bother. But in this case I think I should sent a bill for my pain and suffering to the designers of this car. What could they have been thinking? Of course to make matters worse, when I finished the job and compared the driver side headlight assembly to the passenger side one… Lets just say that the four step process would have been possible if the other bulb had burnt out. Just my luck.

Sins of Omission

2010-02-25T16:04:00.002-04:00

Ladies Moguls – Silver. Speed Skating Ladies 3000m – Bronze. Speed Skating Ladies 1500m – Silver. Men's Moguls – Gold. Ice Dance – Gold. Men's Snowboard Cross – Silver. Ladies Ski Cross – Gold. Ladies Snowboard Cross – Gold. Speed Skating Ladies 5000m – Bronze. Speed Skating Ladies 500m – Silver. Short Track Ladies 3000m Relay – Silver. Speed Skating Ladies 1000m – Gold. Women's Bobsleigh – Gold. Women's Bobsleigh – Silver. Men's Skelton – Gold.

Not a bad list of accomplishments for the Canadian Olympic Team after 13 days of competition. So far we've seen athletes compete injured. Come back from severe injuries to win medals, and overcome devastating personal tragedy to put in personal best performances. Pretty amazing. Considering it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to become really good at something, to be able to step onto a podium to receive a gold medal at the Olympics must come with a huge amount of satisfaction. We should be shouting these athletes' names from the rooftops in recognition of their hard work and determination to succeed.

Last evening after a long day of herding cats (supply teaching), I was looking forward to sitting down to see some of Canada's best and brightest compete. Much to my amazement and frustration, I saw very little of the events I was hoping to see and very little presented to me in the way of athlete profiles for sports other than hockey. Sure it was a big night for hockey. Canada vs. Russia. Considering Canada has not beaten Russia in Olympic hockey in 50 years, I can understand the hype. But let's recap the accomplishments of the Canadian Men's Olympic Hockey team so far. A couple of wins and a loss. Gold medal yet? No. Silver medal yet? Nope. Bronze medal yet? NO! The hockey team is still advancing through the preliminaries to the finals. What's with all the coverage of players who get plenty of coverage for 10 months of the year?

I hear you saying that if you want coverage of the other sports go to the newspaper or online. Yes I agree, fine. I can search it out if I want it. But why are the accomplishments of our athletes who are WINNING bronze silver and gold medals being overshadowed by the fortunes of millionaire hockey players? Why is it when I sit down to watch coverage on television that hockey is first and foremost even when the team isn't playing on a particular day. Why, on what is supposed to be the flagship network for Olympic coverage, are we wasting time on hockey commentary instead of focusing on our Olympic Champions during what is prime time for most of the country? Why are we getting so up in arms over the failure of to 'Own the Podium' when apparently we don't seem to care (at least on prime time television) even when our athletes do win?

Excuse Me While I Have A Nap

2010-02-24T16:41:00.001-04:00

Well once again, I'm ahead of the game. By doing something that seems natural and feels right I have come out on the winning side without knowing it. I speak of course, of the afternoon nap. Being a stay at home dad, I am often left with a few minutes just after lunch when I have completed my list of tasks and have a time before my youngest child arrives home from school. What better time to have a quick 40 winks and catch up on some sleep. Now it turns out that this is just what my brain needs to become smarter. I wasn't being lazy after all! Who knew?

Scientists have determined that basically your brain gets full of information and needs time to shift that knowledge from short term to long term storage. Apparently a nap is just the thing. Your brain basically goes into neutral and the long and short of it is that you get smarter. I guess this is why kids learn things so fast. I remember when my little ones were little-er and they would try something new and fail. Then they would try again and fail and so on and so on. Then they would have a nap or go to sleep for the night and the next time they tried whatever it was they were doing -- taa-daa! Miraculously they were suddenly experts at whatever it was they were attempting to do.

Thank goodness for scientists. They have now given me the excuse, uh, make that the reason, I needed to take that nap in the afternoon. Come to think of it I'm feeling a little sleepy right now…

The Dog Ate My Computer

2010-02-20T08:27:00.001-04:00

The month of February has been a busy one. By the time it ends I will have had only four days where I have not worked. Not bad for a substitute teacher. I have been lucky this school year to be able to spend quite a lot of time in the classroom with students. It's getting to the point where I know many on sight and am able to create some kind of teacher/student relationship with them. This familiarity also comes with increased responsibilities (most of which I place upon myself). I feel that when I am in a classroom, replacing the regular teacher, I should keep to that teacher's plan. I'm not there to be friends with the students. I'm not just there to baby sit. There is a job to be done and I take pride in doing it to the best of my ability. I can, and am willing, to do more than just press play on the DVD player. I especially enjoy those times when I can be in the same classroom for four or five days or more in a row.

I find that after about three days, you begin to really get to know the students. That also goes the other way too. They get to know you as well. I also enjoy helping them through assignments and deadlines. Of course, they get no sympathy from me if they haven't used their time wisely. If you spent your class time talking about the colour of your new iPod, instead of reading your novel or working on that essay that is due in two days… Don't come looking for extra time. You won't find it here.

I have to laugh though. I remember when I went to school and the big excuse for not having your homework done was to say in a pleading and pitiful voice that "The dog ate my homework!" I'm sure that at some time, in some school, somewhere, someone, actually had a dog that ate their homework. It was the perfect excuse really. Who in their right mind was going to check? If you didn't actually have a dog it became problematic , but it was worth a try.

Today, "My computer crashed," or "My printer broke," or "I e-mailed it to you," has become the new "the dog ate it." If you think about it, how can you disagree? We've all been there. You are just about to put something to sleep on your computer and just before you save it for the last (or sometimes the first) time -- poof! Gone. It happens. Everyday. If you think about it this is really a better excuse than the dog. You don't even need a computer, just access to one. Once you hit send on the e-mail… Gone. Who is to say that you didn't send it, or try to print it off or save it?

Whatever the reason, kids will always try to get that extension on the deadline at school. It's nice to know that no matter how much change technology brings some things will always be the same.

The Book Has Closed

2010-02-19T06:29:00.001-04:00

It is a sad day here in Canada for those of us who know our history. John Babcock, the last living soldier to serve in the Canadian Expeditionary Force during the First World War has died. He was 109.

Although Mr. Babcock never saw combat duty at the front during the war, he was too young at the time, he represented the last touchstone we Canadians had to the men and women who served this country so well during The Great War. Although I never knew Mr. Babcock, he was, for me, a connection (however tenuous) to those in my own family who served in the First World War. To those who came home and to those who did not. He has now joined the 650,000 other Canadian soldiers who served during those years. The living history book of the First World War is now closed. Rest well Mr. Babcock.

"…and at the going down of the sun, We will remember them…"

Gold Medal for Desperation

2010-02-17T16:59:00.001-04:00

As of today we are almost half way through the Apocalympics (not my original word, unfortunately). The whole thing seems to be plagued by one unfortunate event after another. Bad weather, protesters, training accidents, planning snafus and tragically a death. I'm thinking that the organizers are tipping back a few stiff ones in the evenings to get through it all.

On top of all of this, comes the national (or perhaps just media) hysteria over gold medals. For several years we have all been hearing about the 'Own the Podium' initiative that is supposed to funnel more money to athletes for training so that they can increase their chances of a medal (preferably gold, one supposes) during these and future Olympics. It doesn't help that Canada, up until a few days ago, had never won a gold medal at an Olympics that was hosted here. Leading up to the Olympics attention was focused on who could potentially win medals and when they would be won. What must it be like for these athletes? What happens, if for some reason, they don't perform as well as expected?

The pressure must be incredible. All for a sporting event that only happens every four years. Not to brag or anything, but I'm raising three children who, like every other child in the country, is the future of this country. As corny as it sounds, all of these kids will be the next teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians… the leaders of this country. Guess how many people are looking over my shoulder as I get them ready for life? I don't have commentators estimating my chances of raising the next Nobel laureate.

With these huge expectations it is, of course, the athlete who loses out. I enjoy a great come from behind victory as much as anyone else. I am, for all my nit picking, a proud Canadian. But let's keep things in perspective. Let's support our athletes by taking some of the pressure off them and results. Should we expect them to do their best? Absolutely. Should we get our knickers in a twist if they don't perform as well as we think they should? No. But never fail, every four years (every 2 years if you count the summer games as well), the national self doubt sets in. So instead of properly funding sports and recreation with ongoing support for proper training and preparation we panic, throw money at the 'problem' in bursts and hope that this will somehow solve things. That we will be able to 'Own the Podium'. Are we really so desperate for a small piece of medal to represent our worth as a country?

All of the Goodness, None of the Flavour

2010-02-07T20:43:00.001-04:00

I don't know what it is like at your house, but here at Rancho Relax-o I tend to do most of the meal preparation and baking. My bride can and does cook and bake well. But for some reason I do most if it. Don't know why or how it ended up this way but there it is. I just usually end up in front of the stove when it's time to cook something. Not all the time, but most of the time. I don't mind that. I actually enjoy preparing the meals and planning the menu. Cleaning things up afterwards – not so much. Most of the time things turn out well. Sometimes things go off the rails.

One of my recent successes was with an Irish stew. After browning the beef and adding the onions and garlic, instead of adding water to simmer the meat in, I pour in a bottle or two of stout (you know the super dark, heavy beer, like Guinness, only I use my own brew) and let it simmer away for a couple of hours and then add the rest of the veggies and such. MMmmmm. Delicious if I do say so myself. Even the kids like this stew and they eat like they've been cast members on Survivor whenever it is served.

Then there are those dark days when things don't go so well. The kids love to recount the one and only time the breadcrumb topping on the seafood casserole actually caught fire in the oven. To hear them tell it you would think that a fiery rain was pouring down from the heavens.

Just today we have another unexpected event to add to the annals of family gourmet history. My lovely bride, in an attempt to cut back on packaging and to try and keep us eating healthy made some cookies. They were the oatmeal, low fat, high fibre, chocolate chip, twigs and bark, non peanut butter kind of cookies. Looking at the recipe you would have thought that these cookies had it all. That's what we thought. Taking each of the ingredients on their own, these cookies should have been great. How can you go wrong with milk chocolate chips? They even called for a little butter! Great we thought! So off she went to make these gastronomic wonders.

Fast forward a couple of hours and the cookies were cooled and ready for eating. They looked great and so I took large bite of one and was overwhelmed with the lack of taste. They had the look of cookies and the texture of cookies and the weight of cookies but none of the flavour of cookies. They were like eating crunchy air, or warm ice or something. Lots of flash but no substance. Just kind of blah. So now we have these wonderful cookies that are good for us and the environment and no one will eat them. Not even my bride, who would usually eat them just to prove a point, won't go near them. They've been sitting on the counter all evening, like some sort of nutritious leper colony. I'm half convinced that even other food is slowly edging itself away from these things. All of the goodness and none of the flavour. Perhaps if we let them age like wine flavour will develop.

Maybe some cream cheese icing and chocolate sauce would salvage them.

Six More Weeks Of Winter

2010-02-04T08:24:00.001-04:00

Well, for those of us in the North America, what seems to be both the most eagerly awaited and the most dreaded day on the calendar has come and gone. I speak of course of Ground Hog Day. Yes, it is true. We base our hopes for an early spring on a rodent that is yanked from its burrow by some guy in a top hat and whether or not we think it sees its shadow. What a fool proof system. Thank goodness we haven't spent loads of money in setting up weather monitoring stations and developing computer programs for modelling weather systems. Oh, wait… D'oh!

Anyway, I digress. Back to the most eagerly awaited part. My youngest child, who is 6 years old, was incredibly excited about Ground Hog Day this year. All we heard from her for days was "It's almost Ground Hog Day," and many variations of this, several times a day and sometimes a couple of times an hour. Ground Hog Day hysteria was sweeping the house. My bride and I could not understand this whole interest in what is essentially a made up 'holiday', which if you care to look at your calendar, has no impact on the length of the winter. Any more excitement over this and we thought we might have to invest in a scale replica of a ground hog to set up in our living room.

So, anyway, the big day comes and my daughter gets home from school and wants to know "Did the ground hog see it's shadow?" To which I said, "Which one?", because there are about 10 or so different rodents who 'predict' the coming of spring. My humour was of course lost on her, so I broke the news that, yes, it saw it's shadow and that there would be six more weeks of winter. Her face crumpled in disappointment and I stood dumbfounded at her reaction this piece of ridiculous news.

After she got over her initial disappointment and some questioning on my part, I came to find out that it was not whether or not spring was going to come early that was her concern. In her mind she figured that if spring came early then so would her birthday! I don't know if she thought that the 6 weeks that lie between Ground Hog Day and the first day of Spring would just disappear or what, but… Needless to say that after the kids had hit the hay for the night my bride and I had a good laugh at the logic behind the desire for an early birthday.

Olympics Here We Come Pt. 2

2010-02-02T13:24:00.001-04:00

Just about a year ago I posted a piece about the Olympics (see Olympics Here We Come 2/12/09) and how, inevitably, they are going to cost we taxpayers a fortune. Way back a year ago, the cost overruns were skyrocketing and the potential loss to Canada was huge. Now here we are a year later and guess what? Even more costs involved in the whole thing. Last year I predicted that snow storms would probably send the city of Vancouver spiralling into chaos like a 5 year old on one of those flying saucer sleds. Well, so far no storms (although I still have my fingers crossed). In fact, the exact opposite is happening. Vancouver is experiencing warmer than normal weather and the Whistler Blackcomb site is getting rain and warm temperatures which have melted the snow pack on the ski runs. Now, added to the cost of security, accommodations, travel, building venues and shuttling athletes and spectators from point a to point b, we have to add the costs for trucking in snow to the ski and snowboard runs so that the whole overblown show can go on.

This is a situation where technology can help. I know I usually bemoan the gradual slide of society into the technological commode, but in this case I think I have the solution – both to the weather problems and to the huge costs involved in this thing. Video games. Yep. Why not just pimp out a Nintendo Wii and hook it up to a giant big screen. Problem solved. Athletes no longer have to travel, they can compete online. Venues can be smaller and we could stream the whole thing on the internet so that accommodations are now people's living rooms. Weather ceases to be an issue and the whole thing goes off whether there is snow or not. Problem solved. Sure there are some technological hurdles to jump, but nothing is insurmountable. Get a few of the big brain computer people into the mix and wham bam there you are. Online Olympics and lots of cost savings.

Just remember you heard it here first Olympic Organizing Committees and make sure that the cheque is made out for $50 Million (one time idea fee, what a bargain). I'll keep my eye on the mail box.

This Blog Is Miles Pro

2010-01-31T11:13:00.001-04:00

Is it a sign of being old that I find the language used by teenagers today to be painful to the ear? I don't mean bad language, I mean the English language. I work as a substitute teacher. I get to hear a lot of language. The swear words I hear, although often inappropriate and unintelligently used, are the same ones that were in use when I was in school, when my parents were in school and probably when my grandparents were in school. It's the every day words that are driving me nuts.

Using slang to make your point is nothing new. I remember when I was 10 or 11 every car that I thought was cool (a slang term in itself) was 'wicked'. I didn't mean that the particular car in question was 1. Morally bad. 2. Playfully mischievous or 3. Troublesome or unpleasant. Obviously it would have made no sense to refer to a sports car as 'morally bad' or 'playfully mischievous'. Neither of these meanings really conveys the coolness of the car in question. 'Wicked' in my prepubescent slang was meant as a term of desire and admiration.

The slang today just doesn't make much sense. My daughter uses the word 'random' a lot. Not in the 'lacking any definite plan or prearranged order' sense of the word. She uses it in sentences to describe events. She might be describing something that happened at school, perhaps someone got into trouble with the teacher for not having their home work done and she will finish the story by saying 'It was so random.' No. It wasn't. The kid didn't do his homework, so logically, it directly follows that he might get into trouble. There is nothing random about the sequence of events. If the kid had been rewarded with $1000 and someone else placed in a jail cell for the same offence, then yes, I would agree that would be a random event.

Another is 'sweet'. 'I love this section of the road, it is so sweet to drive on.' So the road is covered in sugar? Sweet is a descriptor of a flavour, not of the physical of mental attributes of something or someone. This is like asking someone what their favourite flavour of Popsicle is and having them reply 'purple'. Purple is a colour not a flavour.

Probably my least favourite of the slang today is the word 'pro'. 'That guy (or girl) is so pro.' He's a professional? He's for some cause or event as opposed to being against it? When I was in school if someone was a 'pro' it was because they were out behind the ball field bleachers doing things for money at lunch time. My best guess on this one is that the person in question is good at whatever they are doing. If they are really good at doing that activity they are 'real pro´ and if they are exceptional they are 'miles pro'. Which I guess could apply to the meaning I remember for this word too.

Anyway, if getting older means that I have to become a guardian of the English language and proper usage, than I guess that's o.k. Even knowing that this trend in slang will probably disappear in a few years in favour of something else is somewhat of a panacea. Until that happens though, I guess I should go out and buy some sweet, miles pro earplugs.

I Need Less Stuff… Or Fewer Hobbies

2010-01-29T10:32:00.001-04:00

Don't get me wrong. My family is a busy one and I don't mind that. We take part in activities both as a family and as individuals. At this point, we all have things we like to do and we are fortunate enough to be able to do them. But sometimes the stuff that makes doing these activities possible gets to me. It just accumulates and I'm convinced that at some point my poor house and garage are going to just explode at the seams and vomit this stuff all over my yard.

'But it can't be that bad', I can hear you say. Really. Lets look at just a couple of our activities. My bride and children like to cross country ski. So in regards to that we have ski boots (in various sizes and styles), skis, poles, wax for the skis and little tools for spreading it and smoothing it and clothing for skiing. I, on the other hand, like to snow shoe, so I have snow shoes (and the rest of the family does too) and poles for that, as well as clothing for snow shoeing. That's not the worst of it though. At least these items get used on a fairly regular basis during the season (assuming we have more snow than we do right now on average). Oh, did I mention that we also have skates that rarely get used but unfortunately don't disappear when not in use? That's not even taking into account the guitars, fiddle, drum, piano keyboard, French horn, canoe, paddles, PFDs, exercise equipment, ball gloves, balls and the thousand other items that it takes to keep these things in working order that seem to find their way into the house and garage.

Let's move on to mountain biking. I love this sport. It combines skill, speed and a slight element of danger with the outdoors. I also got a new bike recently so that's good too. But the stuff involved with maintaining a fleet of bicycles is unreal. Spread out between my basement and garage are bicycles, various extra tires and tubes, tools, spare parts, extra pedals, seats, cables and rims. The worst thing about it is that all of it is necessary because it only takes one breakdown on a Saturday evening to put an end to your biking for the weekend if you don't happen to have an extra thingamajig, and the bike shop is closed. When I say that I have a bare bones operation in regards to out bikes, I mean bare bones. I am the first to head out to the bike shop for repairs. Usually it is much easier for them to do things than it is for me. They're also faster. I have just enough to get me out of a bind if need be. But that's still a lot of stuff.

Then there is archery. Aside from bows and arrows there is specific tool kit for this sport. There are things in this area that are used for nothing else and have no other use than to keep the arrows flying. Believe me when I say there is nothing better for putting feathers on arrows than a fletching jig. It is fantastic. Does that job incredibly well. But it has no other use. Granted, because my daughter is getting really good I use it a couple of times a month during archery season (she shoots the feathers off her arrows sometimes) but it still takes up space. Then there are the feathers, arm guards, finger slings, and strings and bow squares and…

I guess I shouldn't complain. From the stories on the news lately about the health of Canadians, I think my family is doing o.k. But the stuff. Ugh! I guess it could be worse -- my kids could play hockey.

Repetition Makes The Heart Grow Weary

2010-01-22T09:39:00.001-04:00

Well, with a new year, and a new decade, I decided that this was the time to make some changes. I can feel it happening. I've started to get back into shape after years of sloth and indolence. I've even managed to complete almost a whole month of a new exercise regime that will enable me to finally get into that leopard print Speedo (stay calm ladies, I'm happily married!). I've even decided to go back to school and complete my education degree (assuming that I get in of course). But even with these changes and decisions, sometimes I just like to sit (by which, I really mean lay) on the couch and watch a couple of hours of mindless television every once in a while.

I know we've all been there, those evenings when you finally get to plant your bottom in a comfortable chair or on the couch and you think, "If I never move from this spot again I could be perfectly happy." About a week or so ago, I was enjoying a moment of blissful, mindless, television viewing. Just sitting there. Absorbing. Amoeba like (I think there was even a little drool involved, but I'm not sure). The latest greatest episode of whatever show was on, was winding it's way to the predictable foregone conclusion, when I noticed something strange. Usually during this time of sloth, I have the remote for the TV firmly planted on my chest and all I have to do is move one teeny tiny finger to either change the channel or mute the sound. I do this to avoid commercials, especially those loud annoying ones. This particular evening however, the remote was on the coffee table three feet away (it might as well have been on the other side of the Solar System) and so I had no way to protect myself from the onslaught. It was then that I noticed that there was one particular commercial that kept repeating over and over during every break. Sometimes it would even play two times, back to back, during the same commercial block.

Now, I know that commercials are a necessary part of commercial television, but why the same commercial over and over again? Is there not enough advertising to fill the spaces available? I can see the same commercial running several times over the course of an evening, maybe even a couple of times in an hour, but five or six times an hour? I remember when I saw the ad in question for the very first time. It had a neat hook and was well produced. It was very simple, but I watched because it was different. After that evening, I now hate that commercial. I now also make sure that the remote is close at hand before I sit down. I guess at least one good thing came of the whole repetitive commercial evening. My reaction time with the remote has become lightening fast. Wonder if there is a way to work that into my exercise log?

Worst. Job. Ever.

2010-01-10T11:01:00.001-04:00

You know, there are a lot of jobs that could be in the running for the title Worst Job Ever. Some might think garbage man or sewage and septic sucking, or even customer service rep at Air Canada. There is even a show on the Discovery Channel called Dirty Jobs. Basically the host takes on jobs that seem bad or dirty in some way (strictly PG of course!), and we get to watch his antics as he tries to do the job as well as the professionals he is working with. All of us, without exception, have a list of what we would consider the worst job. I now have a new one that tops my list.

That new job to take over the top spot on my worst job ever list is the person who now has to sit and watch the images from the new full body scanners at the airport. In case you haven't heard, because of the threat of terrorism, almost every major airport will now be installing a new type of full body scanner which actually 'sees' through clothing in an attempt to detect explosives or other dangerous items that people might try to sneak onboard an airplane. Results from these scanners are mixed at best. Yes they 'see' through clothing. Yes, they can detect some hidden objects and materials. But they do not work every time. Some test have shown that depending on where the items are hidden, the scanners will not detect said item. I leave it up to you to determine where these places might be.

There have been many comments about these scanners. About how they intrude on our privacy and infringe on our ability to be private. My concern is over the people who have to sit for hours on end and watch these scanner images flash on a screen. Take a minute and think about all of the different body types you see on the street every day. Now take a minute and think about being able to see through all of these people's clothes and what that might do to your mental health. Ugh! I will be the first to admit that the list of people who might like to see through my clothing would be pretty small. I know that the list of people whose clothing I might like to see through is even smaller. These poor people looking at these images! Worst. Job. Ever.

Oh, the second worst job ever? Anything that ends up with my being labelled with the moniker 'Underwear Bomber".

Enter A New Year

2010-01-05T10:08:00.001-04:00

Well here we are, the start of a new year! If you listen to the media it is also apparently the start of a new decade. So what is in store for us in this first year of the second decade of the 21^st century? It would probably be easier to determine what is not likely to happen than to predict all kinds of new things. I know that may sound pessimistic but let's look at what we were supposed to have by now and don't.

Way back when I was in elementary school, I can remember the first computer lab we got. It was full of giant, clunky computers that basically had an operating system and not much else. You had to actually type in the code for the program you wanted and then we all sat amazed while a few tiny pixels on the screen flashed on and off in sequence. WOW! I remember the guy who was the computer tec genius back then saying that these machines would change the way we worked and that they would make offices paperless. Well computers certainly changed the way we work… but paperless offices? Nope. Not even close. I don't know about you but there is more paper around my house and home office, and every other office I've been in or seen or heard about, than ever before. So much for that prediction.

I also wonder where my flying car is. Weren't we supposed to be travelling around in hover cars by now? I can remember seeing an ad in a magazine when I was about 10 years old, showing a dramatic representation of a person flying to work in his hover car. Can't say I've seen many of those about. I had visions in my ten year old brain of flying to school in my cool hover car and being the envy of the guys and the sought after companion of all the girls. You can guess how that turned out. While I'm on the subject, I also want to know where my bubble house under the ocean is. Why do I not look out the window every morning and see tropical fish everywhere?

And what about those Space movies? 2001: A Space Odyssey. 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Where is my HAL 9000 super computer? O.k. Maybe things didn't turn out well with the whole HAL thing, ('Just what do you think you are doing Dave?') but why aren't we travelling to other planets and exploring new worlds? In 2010 we were supposed to be exploring Jupiter. We barely still have the technology to get to the moon anymore. And what about the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman? Why can't I jump over buildings and run as fast as a car?

I can tell you one thing – the next ten years better show me some of these fantastic leaps of technology or I'm going to ask for a refund of my television and movie ticket costs!

Santa Claus Is Stalking You

2009-12-20T10:55:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about this for a while now. When my eldest daughter was just a toddler, we got all nuts about having her get her picture taken with Santa at the mall. We got her all dressed up and headed out. To make a long story short she freaked out and we didn't get the photo. I don't mean that she just squirmed and cried. She. Freaked. Out. This got me thinking, 'Why aren't more kids afraid of Santa?' Sure he represents a time of year (supposedly) filled with joy and peace and forgiveness and love, but the rest of the Santa Claus mythos is kind of disturbing when you break it down into it's individual pieces.

Think about the song 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'. This song is filled with all kinds of scary stuff. 'He know when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!' Even as an adult I find this kind of disturbing. HOW dies he know if I'm sleeping or not? HOW does he know if I've been bad or good? More importantly, what happens if I haven't been good? Basically with Santa, you've got a strange hermit who watches us all the time and holds our behaviour out as a plan to get stuff. Last July I actually heard a mother in a store tell her child that he'd better be good or Santa wouldn't come! Six months ahead of time, she was placing a veritable Sword of Damocles over the kid's head. Most disturbing of all, this guy enters our homes in the middle of the night! He sneaks in and eats our food, has a smoke (if the old Coke ads are correct) and then climbs up the chimney to escape. Talk about stranger danger!

Isn't if funny how as we get older the magic of the season and the traditions involved change. We go from looking at the whole Christmas thing as a time of wonder and magic to thinking of it as an overly commercial and stressful time that is better to just get through and then be left behind. From enjoying a song about Santa to changing it into a disturbing narration of a stalker who enters our homes at night (even if only in jest). What if we all took a page from the books that the kids are reading from at this time of year. Take the time to look at Christmas through the eyes of a child. Isn't the magic that they feel better than the dread and stress of adulthood? Sure it is. Merry Christmas Everybody!

The Problem With Christmas

2009-12-14T18:21:00.001-04:00

Ah, Christmas! The time of the year that you love, or hate, or love to hate, or hate to love. A time of spending, giving, over eating and emotional stress – and that's in the good years. What about those years when the whole season goes off the rails and nothing goes right? I have a theory why many people enter the holiday season with hope and excitement and come out the other end feeling like they have been placed in the spin cycle of the washing machine and left in a damp smelly heap on the laundry room floor. I place the blame for the raised expectations and dashed hopes of the holidays squarely on three movies. Yep, it's not really our fault at all. It's the fault, once again, of Hollywood.

These three movies are White Christmas (1954), Holiday Inn (1942), and Christmas in Connecticut (1945). These movies all have the same elements: Beautiful people, great clothing, perfectly coiffed snow banks, holiday decoration perfection and idealized happy Christmas endings. These are the reasons why people feel that something is missing. Don't get me wrong, I love these movies (even though 2 of them are musicals). I watch them every year – How can you resist Rosemary Clooney? I mean come on! But these are not the reality of Christmas as most people know it. These three movies, whether you have seen them or not, have dictated Christmas and what we expect from it for fifty years. Compared to the Christmases portrayed in these movies, none of us have a hope for the season.

For the more realistic view of Christmas I prefer the insanity of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989). Who can resist the chaos of 'an old fashioned family Christmas'. Basically everything that can go wrong does go wrong for the Griswold's and the hilarity that ensues makes most of our own Christmas misadventures look like a walk in the park. So in the hopes of giving you a guide to holiday viewing I have compiled a list (three actually) along with either a quote from the movie or a comment from me. One for 'feel good' ideal holidays. One for 'reality'. And one that will make even the worst holiday season look like paradise. Merry Christmas everyone!

The Ideal Christmas Viewing Guide

White Christmas (1954) – Rosemary Clooney, (and Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye too) 'nuff said!

Holiday Inn (1942) – Laughs brought to you by Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire

Christmas in Connecticut (1945) – "Nobody needs a mink coat but the mink."

Muppet's Christmas Carol (1992) – Come on. Who can resist the Muppets?

The Reality of Christmas Viewing Guide

Christmas Vacation (1989) – "I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."

A Christmas Story (1983) – Doesn't everyone want a shapely leg lamp and a pellet gun?

Home Alone (1990) – "I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your lying, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!"

The Christmas Chaos Viewing Guide

Scrooged (1988) – "You've got a program featuring America's favourite old fart. Reading a book in front of a fireplace. Now, I have to kill all of you."

Die Hard (1988) – "This is agent Johnson. No, the other one."

Gremlins (1984) – When you want the perfect Christmas gift. Oh, ah… just don't get them wet!

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

2009-12-13T10:22:00.001-04:00

Well it's the start of the second and final week of talks in Copenhagen on the state of the planet's environmental health and the effect we are having on our home. As usual the whole thing is almost completely off the rails with no real solution in sight. The problem, from my point of view, seems to be that there are too many people with too many differing agendas, all pushing their story.

First off, you have the environmental scientists. They of course are saying that we are on the verge of a major change and major problems in our environment and that we humans are the cause. Then there are the scientists who present a completely opposite view of the whole thing and say that the first group of scientists are fear mongering. In the third corner, we have the politicians who are blowing their own hot air (and thereby contributing to global climate change on their own). The politicians remind me of the adult figures in the Peanuts cartoons. No real substance to their talking, just a 'Wha wa wa wa Whaa wa wa wa'. In the forth corner of this drawn out fight are the protestors. They add to the general chaos of the situation but rarely add anything constructive as far as I can see from my seat here in the audience. All of these people are talking about things like climate change and carbon credits and environmental impact, but even though they might be speaking the same words, no one seems to be speaking the same language.

The first group of scientists seem to be too worried about the impact we are having on the planet, while the second group does not seem to be worried enough. Then the politicians add their brand of double speak and empty promises while the protestors are outside getting arrested for demonstrations that cause lots of noise and keep riot police busy but do little else.

I think we all need to take a step back and agree on a few things first. Firstly, is this planet important? Do we need this planet to live on in order to survive as a species? I mean, there isn't some other planet close by that we can all relocate to right? I think we can all agree that this is a firm 'yes'.

Secondly, is pollution a good or a bad thing? Is the reduction of the pollution we pump out of our cars and factories a good or bad thing? I don't know about you but I prefer to breathe clean fresh air rather than particle laced smog and I like to drink clear fresh water, rather than murky goo. So I guess that the answer to the second set of questions is another firm 'yes'.

The next set of questions need to be limited to a definite end. It is at this point that we seem to get bogged down. That being elimination of the pollution. Is living on cleaner, healthier planet worth doing something about? Is it worthwhile to begin limiting our pollution (and whatever your position, it is ours. Mother Nature did not build the chemical plants and oil refineries that dot the landscape.)? That's it. No more. It the answer to this set is a 'yes' then lets do something about it. If living on a cleaner healthier planet is worthwhile then all other concerns begin to pale in comparison. Let's do it and get on with other concerns. If not, I'm selling seats on my escape rocket ship for $1,000,000 each because it's time to leave!

‘Tis the Season for… Hyperbole

2009-12-07T07:40:00.001-04:00

It must be the confluence of the sports world in the fall that causes it. You've got baseball ending in late October or early November. Then there's the blessedly short CFL season during the early fall ending in early November. The NFL runs through the fall into January. Finally the interminably long NHL season from basically September to June. Oh, and the PGA is in there somewhere as well. With all of the sports and over paid players and the scandals comes the grand dame of language – the hyperbole.

For those of you who might not have paid attention during English class, hyperbole is the intentional use of exaggeration. 'I hugged her a thousand times.' 'That was the best coffee in the world.' 'If you take away my cell phone I'll die.' All hyperbole. But it's not just in English class that we see hyperbole.

You hear it every day on the sports news. Athletes talking about the sports arena/field/court as a battlefield and the specific contest in question as a war. Can we not find another euphemism for this. Especially with soldiers on real battlefields fighting real wars. If the game was a close one we could say that it was a hard won victory. That the team pushed hard for the win. But a battlefield? Nope. Don't think so.

Another that I just love to hear is "We just went out there and gave 110%." No you didn't. You might have given all you had and pushed yourself to do your best but there is no way to give more than 100%. By definition 100% is eveything.

The one that got me thinking about this was something I heard the other day on the radio. The player in question said something like, "We overcame great adversity to take the win from them." Great Adversity. Not really. You played a little harder and got the ball over the goal line or the puck in the net or the ball in the basket or… whatever. You did not overcome great adversity. The people who float from Cuba to Florida, in an attempt to gain a better life, through shark infested waters in a leaky bathtub – these people overcome adversity.

To compare sports to a battlefield or to say that you overcame adversity to get another win on the tally sheet demeans the reality of what some people are doing every day. Perhaps if we put two NFL or NHL teams in leaky boats on shark infested waters and they had to play their sport in those conditions, with someone shooting at them, then I might agree with the whole adversity thing.

Call Me Old Fashioned

2009-12-03T07:31:00.001-04:00

Well, it's early December and here we go again. As seems to happen every week for some reason, I had to make my way to the grocery store the other day. We try to be as efficient as possible when it comes to grocery shopping and running errands. We make a list of things we want to eat in the coming week and then if there is any thing else we need at other stores, we try and pick those things up on the same trip. This cuts down on the time we spend running all over town and saves some a bit on the gas budget at the same time. Neither my bride or I like shopping at the best of times anyway so there is also that as well. Instead of heading out to the store three or four times a week we try to do everything in one trip. We still have to go shopping but it's like pulling off a bandage. Just rip it off and be done with it.

On my trip the other day I was bombarded with Christmas music. Every store I went into was blasting the cheerful holiday pap at the weary customers. From what I have gathered, some stores have been doing so for a couple of weeks now. Why? Why must we torture ourselves with this stuff? If I find it hard to put up with on my few trips to the store, how on earth do the employees of the stores put up with it every day for hours on end? I used to work retail. I loved Christmas. Even when I was working. People would come into the store all panicked and sometimes surly, and I took great pride in being nice to them. Sometimes my niceness really pissed them off! I thought it kind of funny, being the season of kindness and giving and all. But while I was on shift, the seasonal cds mysteriously disappeared and then returned when my shift ended.

Now the whole Christmas consumer culture we live in drives me nuts. It's too bad that the whole 'better to give than receive' thing has turned into 'It's better to spend more money than others'. The whole Christmas gift giving scene has become out of control. With the advent of so called 'Black Friday' sales in Canada, it's only going to get worse.

Anyway, as I went to the three stores that I need to visit the other day, I heard the same sappy Christmas song in those three different stores. Why can't we slowly gear up to the full on Christmas tunes? You know, start with one or two an hour early in December and as the month progresses, increase the number of tracks and frequency of play. Then the week before Christmas play however much you want (cause I'm usually done my shopping by December 15 anyway). Perhaps next year we will do all of our Christmas shopping online, because if I hear "The Little Drummer Boy" blasting at me again this century, that little drummer boy might be the one getting 'pa rum pa pum pummelled'. Bah, Humbug!

It’s the ‘80s Fault

2009-11-29T10:27:00.002-04:00

Let me start off by saying that I love almost all things '80s. Movies, music, games, and even fashion for the most part. Like most of my friends, I grew into my teens during the '80s and so my life was influenced by the culture of the times.

Do you remember playing Trivial Pursuit till the wee hours? What about listening to the radio for hours in the hopes of hearing your favourite song play without the announcer's voice or a commercial, so that you could tape the song (without having to buy the whole album)? Remember the days before the internet and Cell phones? Did you have a Tandy computer? Intellivision, Atari 2600, Frogger, Pac-Man, Rubix Cube… Ah, the good old days right? For those of us who grew up during those ten years, it seems so.

The other day I was playing some music while we cleaned up the house. My kids love Genesis and a lot of the older music that I grew up with so I was playing some of the hits of the '80s for them. As they asked me what each song title was, I got thinking about mixed tapes. Do you remember the excitement you felt when that special someone made you a mixed tape? They would put songs on it that reminded them of you or had a message in that particular song that they wanted you to pick up on. Or when you made one for someone else? The effort that you put into picking just the right song? Hours spent fast forwarding and rewinding those tapes, in order to get the exact timing between songs. Then carefully printing out the song titles on the label. I get exhausted just thinking about it.

Looking back twenty years on (yes, we are getting old!), this was kind of a strange thing to do. Especially when you look at the titles of some of the songs. Can you imagine if someone from the '80s, time travelled forward to today and had a crush on someone and made a mixed tape (or mixed mp3, or whatever), how strange and disturbing it would be. So in the interests of making my point here is my creepy retrospective mixed tape playlist (and yes, I know 'playlist' is not an '80s term!).

Always On My Mind – Pet Shop Boys
I Want To Know What Love Is – Foreigner
Why Can't This Be Love – Van Halen
Every Breath You Take – The Police
Eye In The Sky – Alan Parson's Project
Lay Your Hands On Me – Thompson Twins
Can't Fight This Feeling – REO Speedwagon
Missing You – John Waite
Hard Habit To Break – Chicago
Follow You, Follow Me – Genesis
Better Be Home Soon – Crowded House
I Just Died In Your Arms – Cutting Crew

Let the stalking begin!

Time After Time

2009-11-07T11:09:00.002-04:00

"At the sound of the tone after ten seconds silence, the time will be…" If this rings a bell for you, you are obviously a listener of the longest running show on CBC radio – The National Time Signal. For those of you who have not, or do not listen to the CBC on a regular basis, a little explanation. Every day at 2:00pm, the national broadcaster here in Canada runs this public service so that you can set your clock to the official national time in your time zone. I find this to be one of the funniest things on the radio. Every time I hear that official government voice announce the "At the sound…" intro, I look at whatever clock is near and see how far off I am. From time to time I do change the time on the clock if I see it's more than a few seconds off, but then I wonder why.

As I go through my house I have a clock or time piece of some kind in almost every room. Alarm clocks in the bedrooms, the computer clock, the coffee machine and the stove all have clocks. Most days I have on a wrist watch. Not one of them shows the same time. Why is it so hard to have all of the clocks in the house on the same time? It's like living in some kind of broken time machine. I leave the living room at 1:00pm and enter the kitchen at 12:58pm. Then I go into the bedroom and it's 1:03pm. In the course of the day I must time travel a couple of dozen times. I wonder if I was to set each clock a couple of minutes slower than the previous one and ran through the rooms from the fastest running clock to the slowest, would I age in reverse? Could I travel back in time to change history?

I have long given up trying to set my clocks all to the same time. It's like trying to stay ahead of the laundry or setting the time on a 1980's vintage VCR – impossible. I guess it's good to know that the nice people at the National Research Council here in Canada know what time it really is, because I sure don't.

All You Need Is… A Little Perspective

2009-11-03T09:50:00.004-04:00

I usually try to keep my blog entries on the lighter side of things. Those of you who have been reading for a while know this to be the case. But this morning while I was listening to the radio all I kept thinking about was the whole H1N1 pandemic panic. Why are so many people making a big deal out of this? It got me to thinking about what is really going on here. Is it really as bad as everyone thinks or is it being blown out of proportion like so many other things in the media and in the public rumour mill. So before you head out to the hardware store to get boards and nails for barricading yourself in your house for protection from the flu ridden hoards, lets have a look.

Since the H1N1 virus showed up about a year ago, there have been approximately 3000 deaths worldwide from that particular virus (WHO numbers). In a normal year, the regular flu virus kills approximately 40,000 people. I don't know how you do your math, but in any math book I've seen, 40,000 is WAY more than 3000. Most of the deaths from both H1N1 and the regular flu viruses are caused by complications arising from the virus and previously present underlying health issues.

Reports in the news have focused on the whole 'shortage of vaccine' and the long line ups at the various clinics set up to hand out the shots. Why? In our community, every year, we have a mass sign up for various activities for kids. Gymnastics, hockey, baseball, soccer etc. Every year people head out at 6am and wait for hours in line to be the first to sign their kid up. Every year my bride and I wait for a couple of hours and head out and get through the line in 30 minutes to an hour. Same thing with the H1N1 vaccine line ups. Those who rushed out at the crack of dawn waited, while others I know waited for a couple of hours and got through the whole thing in much shorter time. There is no shortage. People just have to be patient. You will still get your kid signed up, and a few hours sooner or later is not going to make a difference. Oh, and if you are not in a high risk category for this virus – wait your turn and let those who truly need this vaccine get it first! With less queue jumping there would be less problems with supply.

'But this H1N1 thing is more dangerous than the regular flu.' Nope. It is just as dangerous as the regular flu. Again if you are a healthy person with no underlying health issues then you will probably be fine. A few days of discomfort and laying in bed and then you recover. For the vast majority of people this is how things play out. If you have not already been sick, wash your hands with hot soapy water, and make sure your kids do the same. An ounce of prevention…

Will I be getting my kids vaccinated? Yep. Will I be getting vaccinated? Eventually, yes. Am I concerned about the whole thing? Absolutely. Will I be lining up at the crack of dawn to get a shot? Absolutely not. I know some of you will be thinking "What does he know?" Well, if you still have questions and want better answers than I can give you then follow this link for the November 1, 2009 call in with Canada's Chief Public Health Officer, Dr. David Butler-Jones, http://www.cbc.ca/checkup/archives.html . There is also an audio file from a few weeks back on the same topic.

Finally, lets not give the poor nurses who are administering the vaccines a hard time. They are working very hard to keep up with the demand. They have no control over how long it takes, it takes as long as it takes. They have to put in long hours dealing with worried people. When it comes your turn to sit in the chair and roll up your sleeve, why not shake things up for these nurses? Patiently wait your turn, sit down in the chair, smile at the person giving you the shot and thank them for their diligence and time. They deserve it.

I Am A Genius… Or Should Be Anyway

2009-10-28T09:55:00.001-03:00

To some of you who know me the title of this blog will come as a surprise. I can hear the snickering now. For those of you who don't know me, I want to assure you that yes, in fact, I am a genius. Don't believe the snickerers (see, I can even make up words!). "How can he say that?" What makes him think he's a genius?" Well, I have a question for you – Why not? Have you ever taken the time to think about what is stored in your brain? The information about yourself, your memories, the ins and outs of your workplace and the day to day minutia that you have to remember just to make it through the week without falling off a bridge or something? Take a minute… I'll wait.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday about the Top 10 Guilty Pleasure songs of the 1980s. I found it amazing that I not only remembered the tunes for these songs but also the words (all the words) to these songs. Think about that. All of the words and the tunes to 10 songs from twenty years ago, some of which I haven't heard since they were popular. Why do I remember this? Who knows. Especially, why do I know the words to 'Tarzan Boy' or, God help me, 'It's Raining Men'.

When will I ever need to know that the little dangling thing at the back of my mouth is called a uvula? For what reason will I ever have to know that the Templars were wiped out on October 13, 1307 (the origin of the belief that Friday the 13^th is a bad luck day). Why? Why do I know this? I guess this information might help me when it comes to playing Trivial Pursuit or other such games, but usually I have no use for it day to day.

I can remember information about incidents and funny things that happen to people in order to tease and torment them at later dates. Those of you who know me, know this to be true. If only I could use my powers for good instead of evil. If I could only fill my brain with useful information like how to make clean water or energy, the potential is limitless. Sometimes I think that perhaps I could solve the world's problems if only I could remember the formula for making a baking powder volcano.

So you see, we're all geniuses – or we should be. All we have to do is learn to remember the information that is important. Too bad that's easier said than done.

Here We Go Again

2009-10-26T09:19:00.001-03:00

We got the good news this morning! After years of trying and waiting and praying and begging, it's happening again! The New York Yankees are going to the World Series! YaHoooo! This will be the Yankees' 40^th appearance in the fall classic.

To be honest, I don't watch a lot of baseball anymore. What with all the scandals involving steroids and strikes and such, the shine has kind of come off the whole sport for me. I'm one of these people who prefers baseball for the pure enjoyment of the sport. The fact that one small error can affect the outcome of the game. One light tapper into the gap can win a championship. I love the crack of the bat against the ball. You don't even have to be watching the game to know when a home run is hit – it has a special sound all it's own. Those are some of the reasons I like baseball. If my favourite team wins, even better.

I know that some people out there are cursing and swearing about the Yankees trip to the World Series this year. Any year for that matter. That's fine, not everybody is a Yankees fan. But why rain on the parade of those of us who are? I'm not a Detroit or a Boston fan but I don't begrudge them their wins when they happen. Every time the Yankees win a spot in the American League Championship or in the World Series the same old whining begins. 'They bought the wins that got them there.' 'Why wouldn't they be there, they pay their players the most.' I even saw one post on a sports site this morning call them 'The best champions money can buy.' I hate to break it to you folks, but money doesn't always mean wins. Especially in professional sports.

It really rattles my chain when people talk like this. I agree, absolutely, that professional sports 'stars' are paid entirely too much. No one needs, or is worth, upwards of $15 or $20 million. Come on! You're playing a game for Pete's sake! But like I said, high salaries are no guarantee of wins. Let's look at the Yankees for a minute. Sure they have the highest payroll in baseball. Have had for years. They have won 26 World Series and have been American League champs at least twice as many times. But for all of their appearances in the championship series' why have they not won every time if payroll was everything? Why did they not win the World Series last year? Or the year before? Or the year before that? The same people who point out that the Yankees have the most money and spend it on good players to win ball games, conveniently forget that the Yankees have had long dry spells when they spent more time in the basement than on the top of the field. (Check out the stats for 1981 to 1996. Not much to brag about there.)

If money was everything, why don't all of the sports teams with the most money always win? Let's look at hockey. (Gasp! Don't badmouth hockey!) Of the 31 teams in the NHL, the top 15 teams have a payroll of $45 million or more. Of those top 15 teams, the worst team in hockey (not even the least paid) comes in at $46,445,180 – Toronto Maple Leafs. They, as of right now, have a record of 0 – 8. That's NO wins and 8 LOSSES! Sure you say but they don't have the highest payroll this year. Fine. Please step into my time machine. Oh! Watch your head! In the 2002 – 03 season The Leafs were among the top 6 teams in regards to payroll ($65,054,900). The team who won the Stanley cup that year was not. Why then, if money can buy championships, didn't one of the top paying teams win? Perhaps money isn't everything after all. Ever heard of the 'underdog'?

As in life, it's often the small things that trip us up. A dropped ball, a missed catch, an untied shoelace. Sometimes things happen that can be explained and some times things happen that defy our ability to accept them. Our mental game is often just as important, if not more so, as our physical skill. Perhaps the Yankees just have the right mix this year. Does money have anything to do with it? Sure. Is it the only reason they are in the world series? Nope. We won't know for another week who will win the series, but one thing is for sure -- I've got a long week ahead.

The End Is Near

2009-10-20T08:15:00.001-03:00

Well, there has been a lot of hype about the new disaster movie '2012' in recent weeks. Previews show a spectacular CGI special effects movie with some real people acting in the middle there somewhere. The whole premise of the movie centres around the idea that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. That this is the predetermined end of the world. There have, of course been end of the world predictions for thousands of years. People thought that the turn of the first millennium was going to bring the end of the world. There have been predictions that the world would end in fire, or ice or that the rapture was going to occur. This doom and gloom continued into present day with the whole Y2K scare back in 2000, when all the computer systems in the world were supposed to shut down and end life as we know it. So these predictions about the end of the world are nothing new, it's just that the special effects are getting better.

I have to admit that there is a slight fascination with the disaster movie. Some people like to place themselves in the position of the hero of the movie. Kind of a 'better living through living vicariously through an action movie' thought process. Others are apparently just fascinated with the death and destruction involved. Maybe people like to be depressed, who knows. Just in the relatively few years that I've been alive, the world has ended (in the movies, not really) by asteroid collision, flooding, earthquake, alien invasion, giant monster attacks, disease, zombies, zombie virus, computer virus, regular war, nuclear war, global climate change and in the case of some of these movies, boredom as well. Every time a new calamity or public outcry about something happens, a new disaster movie involving that particular scenario arrives at the box office. I fully expect to see movies about N1H1, avian flu, the common cold and the scourge of male pattern baldness in the near future.

Every time I teach a history class, I have to go through the whole "Why do we have to study history?", "You study history because it's important," debate. You know, it's the whole "Unless you know your history you are doomed to repeat it" routine. It's important to know the how and why things happened in the past. The other thing that history teaches us is perspective. When a movie like '2012' comes out and the whole idea of the movie is that an ancient civilization predicted the exact day and year that the end of the world would occur, I have to think about what history teaches us happened to the Mayans. Here was a civilization that was very advanced, ruled their little corner of the world for hundreds and hundreds of years and (if you can overlook the whole sacrifice and barbarity thing) were probably the most advanced people in the western hemisphere. Things were going well for the Mayans until the arrival of the Spaniards and a little bug that caused small pox. Within a very few years they were gone.

My own theory on the whole 'Mayans predict the end of the world' debate is that the guy whose job it was to carve the calendar got up one morning and went to work. He carved for the day until he got to the date of December 21 2012 (the natural end of a calendar cycle in the Mayan tradition) and thought 'Here's a good spot to stop for today,' and went home for supper. The next morning he got up and wasn't feeling well so he stayed home to protect his co-workers from his cold and then he died. The calendar never got finished because his co-workers had the same problem and they all died too.

I have to smile at the whole end of the world thing because if it is going to end there's not much I can do to stop it. All I can do is wait and see what will happen. Hopefully the special effects will be good.

Happy Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown

2009-10-09T13:54:00.001-03:00

Well it is upon us again. That time of year when family and friends gather to eat huge amounts of food and give thanks for the birth of the Easter Bunny, who went on to grow up during the cold winter months and emerged from his burrow in time to deliver chocolate effigies of himself to us in the spring. Wait, what's that… I'm sorry, I've just been informed by my kids that what I just stated is not true and is not what Thanksgiving is about at all. Thanks for setting me straight guys. One thing is for sure though, it is the time of year when we all get together to eat great amounts of food and are able to do so without feeling guilty about it. (At least that's something for my brain to give thanks for at the very least, although my behind might disagree.)

I like the whole feast idea, whether it's Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving. The smells of the kitchen with baking pies and the turkey and the smells of the vegetables… MMMmmmm. Over the years it has become my responsibility to bake the pumpkin pie. In my head I have a memory of what pumpkin pie was like when I was small and I have been trying to reach that pinnacle for years. Each year I get closer to that ideal but I'm not there yet. What I have succeeded in doing is making a pie that is so good that even my kids, who usually try to find ways to get out of having to eat things that come from a garden, will willingly tuck into with no complaints and even ask for more.

I, of course, make my pie from scratch (for those of you with no baking/cooking experience that means no pre-mixed industrialized store bought items, except the flour, sugar, eggs… etc.). My kids don't even know that you can buy pumpkin pie filling at the grocery store. They just think that this is the way it's done. Most often I even grow my own pumpkins and then harvest them, cook them and freeze pre-measured quantities so that when the time comes to make a pie that part is done. Lots of work to be sure, but the finished product… WOW! (If I do say so myself.)

'Well let's have this fantastic recipe', I hear you say. 'What makes it so good?' Do you honestly think that I am going to give away at least ten years of toil and sweat so that you can make the same pie that I do? Not likely.

Anyway, whether you have pie this weekend or not, enjoy your time with family and friends, have some wine and some good food but above all – Give Thanks.

Hit and Miss

2009-10-04T11:50:00.004-03:00

Sometime I really have to wonder about the people we elect and the civil servants that are hired in this province. Their actions seem to be a combination of brilliant moves and semi-comatose fumbling. Every so often they come up with things like lower taxes for small business and the like that make all kinds of sense because most of our population is employed by small business. So the less taxes these business pay, the more they can pay their employees and then these employees have more money to spend on other things for the government to collect taxes on. But at other times it seems like these people have their heads stuck in some kind of hole. Take for example a few years ago. The provincial tourism department approved a series of ads which were supposed to (I would guess) draw more people into the province as tourists. These ads were so terrible that every time I saw them, they made me want to move somewhere else.

Then the provincial government decided to change our provincial slogan to the terribly ambiguous 'New Brunswick. Be… in this place.' Be what? What are we supposed to do with this? What is the point? I don't even want to know how much money we paid for this incredible piece of creative writing. What was wrong with 'New Brunswick. The Picture Province'. At least Picture Province provides us with the image that there is something in the province that we might want to remember. Perhaps the scenery is worth capturing for posterity at the very least.

Then last year the province decided that there was money to be made by producing and selling their own brand of beer. The reason for this brilliant decision was all of the money supposedly leaving the province to buy cheep beer in other places. Really? Is there really that many people travelling to other provinces to buy beer? If so they really have no concept of economics. Lets say that a case of beer is $14 here in N.B. and $10 in a neighbouring province. By the time you drive there, purchase the beer and drive home again (factoring in the time, gas and possible overnight costs) that $10 beer is more expensive than if you had just spent the $14 in the first place. (Maybe these people travelling to buy 'cheaper' beer are the ones coming up with the wonderful provincial slogans and tourism ads.)

It turns out that this new 'Select' beer is not selling as well as the people in charge thought it might. After the initial rush of people trying it out, sales dropped off significantly. Now, the provincial liquor corporation is going to try a bundling promotion (to test their new computer inventory software. Sure!) in which if you buy a case of this 'Select' beer you get a 200ml bottle of whisky as well. Wow! Fantastic! Not only do we get a lower priced (and to my palette, a lower quality beer), now we get a lower quality whiskey to go with it. (You don't really think they are going to give away the good stuff do you?)

For some reason, my bride and I have, in our book collection, a copy of the Bartenders Guide to Making and Mixing Drinks. How we got this and where it came from is now a mystery lost to the ages. In this book there is a recipe for a drink called a boilermaker. Basically you pour a glass of beer and then pour a shot glass of whiskey. Take the full shot glass and gently drop it into the glass of beer. Enjoy!

Perhaps the new slogan for the province should more correctly read 'New Brunswick. Boilermakers in this place'.

How Much Time is Too Much Time?

2009-09-28T08:43:00.001-03:00

Have you ever seen that Seinfeld episode where Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer are in a rush to get to a movie and they go to a Chinese restaurant and have to wait for a table? The Host of the restaurant keeps telling them 'Five, ten minutes', in response to their questions about how long till they get seated. To make a long story short, the whole episode is them in the waiting area of the restaurant trying to get seated, eventually they give up and leave because they are starving and have missed the movie and just after they leave the restaurant the Host calls out "Seinfeld four!"

This past weekend my bride and I took the kids to Fredericton for the night and decided that we would go out for supper when we got there. After three tries at three restaurants we finally got to have our supper (it seems that no one in Fredericton cooks at home on Friday night). At two of the restaurants the wait for a table was 45 minutes or longer! The third restaurant we got to originally told us 15 minutes, so we thought, 'o.k. that's not too bad' and hunkered down to wait. The funny thing about this whole situation was that as each new person entered the restaurant and asked about seating, the hostess told them progressively shorter times. I looked at my bride and we both, in a moment of shared brain activity, whispered to each other 'Seinfeld four!'

This of course got me thinking, how long do you wait for a table before you just say the heck with it and leave? If you go to a restaurant and they tell you '10 minutes' say, and you wait and wait and then look at your watch and it's been almost 15 and you ask again and they say 'just another couple of minutes', have you invested too much time to leave that restaurant? Do you take the chance that it might be just a couple of minutes or do you bail in the hopes of getting quicker seating somewhere else? It's one of those circular conundrums. If you stay the wait might be longer than you are being told, but if you leave you might get quicker service at another restaurant, but if you leave your table will probably be ready in just a couple of seconds. Then there is the whole factoring in of the time it takes to get to that other restaurant… Ugh!

Luckily in our case we got seated faster than we were actually told and the meal was good, the kids had a good time and all was well with the world. Looking back at the weekend, and the faces I saw in the waiting areas of the three restaurants we visited, I can only remember three smiling faces – those of the owners.

Beatlemani-Blah

2009-09-14T16:49:00.001-03:00

I guess if I don't get it now I never will. No, not some disease or other illness -- the whole whoopla over the Beatles (I don't really get the Elvis thing either). This past week two new box sets of their albums and a new video game hit stores, much to the delirious delight of their fans. Some lined up outside stores all night just to ensure that they got to purchase the items they wanted. Kind of reminds me of the whole Cabbage Patch Doll mania in the '80s (something else I'll never understand).

I have never been a big fan of the Beatles. I'm not sure if it is because they were broken up before I was born (although I do like other bands from the same period), but their music just never appealed to me. The music itself is alright I guess but some of their lyrics just send me around the bend. "She loves me yeah, yeah, yeah She loves me yeah, yeah, yeah She loves me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" YEAH.

Do we really need to have another release of music that has been on the market for 40 years? Doesn't everyone who likes the Beatles already have all their music? What more could there be? I guess like so many other things, it comes down to money. Music companies, producers, record stores all must just love this repeat of Beatlemania. People lined up outside the door all night and the cash registers ringing like some mad symphony. Maybe Sir Paul (if it is really him. Didn't he die back in the sixties and someone else begin impersonating him?) just needed to replenish his accounts after the no pre-nuptial divorce he went through a couple of years ago. Anyway you look at it, it looks like there is money to be made and spent. Perhaps I should give them a chance but for the $200 to $300 bucks a pop for the box sets, I think I will probably just let it go. I don't play video games often so I guess I won't be buying that product either.

With a busy schedule, that never seems to get any lighter (work, running kids to sports, keeping a house up and all the other ten thousand things that seem to need to be done) I just don't have time to listen to a box set of anything. After all, there are only Eight Days a Week.

Back To The Future… Or Is It The Past?

2009-09-09T08:53:00.002-03:00

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a time machine. You know, hop in, enter a date and travel to that period of time to see what things were like. The only problem with this travelling to the past is that if things change in the past then our present would also change (if you subscribe to that particular theory of temporal logic). For example, let's say that we travelled back to when your family made the move to where ever it is you now live. Perhaps something you do in that past time period makes your ancestors decide that they should stay in England or Ireland or where ever they started. When you got back to 2009, things would be different. Maybe you don't live in where ever it is you live, or perhaps your family is somewhere else. Maybe you don't even exist because your great grandparents did not meet at the barn dance. Gets kind of confusing eh?

It seems that someone somewhere has invented a time machine and is using it to change the past -- our entertainment past anyway. Have we gotten to the point in entertainment where there are no new ideas out there? Last night (while watching the very first episode of Jeopardy, from like 1983, apparently we are hard up for reruns too), I saw ads on TV for 90210, Melrose Place, and Degrassi (not sure if it was Junior, senior, university or old age home version). Granted these shows are 're-dos' or 're-imaginings' or continuations of the originals, but come on really! Let's be honest, none of these show were of top quality when they were on the first time, do we really have to subject ourselves to them again (and in the case of Degrassi, again)?

I do admit that sometimes this rehashing of old ideas does come up with some gems. The original Battlestar Galactica barely lasted a season back in 1978. While this has something to do with the fact that it was somewhat campy and the vision of the creators out paced the technology available to put it on TV, (and the fact that the more conservative call for less violence on TV made the shooting of robots repetitive and boring), it really wasn't very good. But the 're-imagining' of the show lasted 4 seasons, had compelling stories and was well made. The new version made stars of several of the actors and went on to spawn a spin off. (I bet Dirk Benedict would like to have the royalties from the new show instead of the old horse he was in.) On the other hand the 're-imagining', or what ever it was, of Knight Rider didn't even last as long as the (now) brutal original (the new versions one strong point was that it thankfully didn't star David Hasselhoff).

But I digress. The main point being, we need new ideas. Sadly the television and movie industry is notoriously difficult to break into. Show producers are very reluctant to accept scripts and ideas from 'unknown' writers and obviously they keep going back to the same old well for ideas and scripts. So if you are ever sitting watching television and are thinking to yourself 'I could write better stories than this,' you're probably right. So, to all the producers out there, please start looking elsewhere for ideas and scripts, because the well you have been using is quite obviously running dry.

Observations On A Stone

2009-09-07T18:20:00.001-03:00

Today I spent some time doing what I should have done a long time ago. I've been putting off this task for some time, not because it is time consuming or particularly difficult but because I am a procrastinator. The one person out there who waits eagerly for my next blog entry will now be shouting "Writing a new blog entry!" as an answer to this statement, but that is not the task I am speaking of. No, the dreaded task I've been putting off is the downloading of digital pics from the whole summer into their appropriate files on my computer. Putting them in the topic specific file folders, (camping, sports, family, etc.) is not a task that I particularly enjoy, but there you go. While doing this I had the radio on in the background and there was a story about some kid who was 'well rounded' and this of course got me thinking.

This past summer we spent time camping and the kids collected all kinds of 'keepsakes' from the beach and the woods and where ever else they happened to be. In their collection of rocks there was the usual assortment of nicely smoothed stones that had obliviously been worn and shaped by the action of wind and waves. They often had some neat colours and shapes but all had the same thing in common, they were uniformly smooth. Then there were some other stones which were oddly shaped, cracked or broken, and had holes or depressions or pieces missing. While the smooth stones were neat in their uniformity of shape, the irregular shaped ones were infinitely more interesting. The kids were interested in the smooth stones but spent more time inspecting and speculating about the rough ones.

Why is it then that we use the phrase 'well rounded' to describe people? It seems to me that people are like the stones that my kids collected this summer. They come in all shapes and sizes, colours and textures, but the people with some rough edges are, to me anyway, more interesting. If we were all like those smooth stones that my kids looked at what a boring world it would be. So call me a diamond in the rough or whatever else you might like, but please don't call me well rounded. I'd like to at least think I'm more interesting than that.

The Satisfaction of a Job (mostly) Well Done

2009-07-22T16:26:00.001-03:00

With the onset of what could be considered summer, home improvement time has also arrived. Usually at our house we choose one project and spend the whole summer picking away at it. Last summer was taken up with demolishing a huge old garage and the construction of a new one. While I miss the room and space of the old building, the process of building the new one was rewarding (and with 3 daughters, I really needed a place to hide out). This summer is one of gardening and landscaping. Sounds like a simple enough matter when you first consider it. Rake out some top soil and spread some grass seed. Plant a few flowers and a tree or two maybe. Seems simple until you actually start to consider what else needs to be done in order for it all to look 'just right'.

Here we are now towards the end of July. So far we have raked top soil, planted new plants, moved old plants to new locations, put a new fire pit in place, built a new picnic table, began to lay down a new Belgian stone walkway and patio and built a free standing deck. Phew! Now it might just be me, but that seems like more than the simple spread some grass seed and plant a few plants plan that we came up with in March. I know it's not building a house or anything like that but holy smokes!

Well the deck is 99% complete (just some benches and a planter left to build). The plants have taken hold in their new locations and are beginning to loose that droopy wilted look they get when you move them around. The new grass is starting to grow and things are starting to look more or less like I imagined them. Finally, the other night I was able to light a fire in the fire pit and sit on the new deck with a beverage (that I brewed myself) and watch the river pass by in front of the house. As I looked around me at the things I built with my own two hands I couldn't help but feel some pride in my work (and in the fact that it required only one trip to the Emergency room).

Next item on the list – painting the house. On second thought, perhaps I'll hire someone to do that and take pride in their work for a change.

Names Have Been Changed to Protect… Someone

2009-07-17T08:12:00.001-03:00

We've all read those articles in magazines where there is a disclaimer saying that names have been changed to protect the innocent or the presumed innocent or whatever. There are times when I can see that this might be necessary. Perhaps someone witnessed a major crime and had to be protected against reprisals. My question is, are these names really changed or are they just telling us that? Maybe the names aren't changed at all. "When Jill (not her real name) was 12 years old she witnessed a butterfly stab a horse." Maybe Jill really is her name and they are just saying that the names have been changed to throw us off.

What got me thinking about this was a story in the news about a guy who is testifying against his former friends in a biker gang in a murder trial. The reporter referred to the witness using initials (JG or something like that) to protect his identity. Now feel free to correct me but why are we protecting this guy's identity from the public at large? Does the public at large have anything against this guy? Probably not. They bad guys he is testifying against are right there in the court room. They already know who he is. I'm sure that the other members of this biker gang who are still on the street already know who he is too. Seems to me that if they were trying to protect him they would come up with some other better way of doing it than just not saying his name. Perhaps some kind of memory erasing ray gun or an invisibility cloak or even just a bag to go over his head-- something.

I agree for the most part that some protection has to be provided for those who are willing to take a stand against the bad guys so that justice can be done. Maybe it makes the witness feel safer to know that his or her name is not being plastered across newspapers and websites from coast to coast. Maybe it helps to get the whole story out in court. Does it really help or not? I don't know.

The one thing that does occur to me about his biker gang story is that the only people who actually know who this witness is are the police and court officials – and of course the bad guys who might want to get him later on.

The Odd Things Campers Do

2009-07-15T09:57:00.001-03:00

After arriving home from our most recent camping trip, I got to thinking about all of the stuff we have that is for no other use but camping. This of course led me to begin thinking about some of the strange and odd things to do with camping. Here are just a few of them.

Strange Thing #1 – Camping Dishes

We have a whole set of dishes that we use for no other purpose than to eat off of when we are camping. We have unbreakable plates and bowls, steel coffee cups and heavy duty pots and such that only see the light of day when we go camping. Our regular pots for the kitchen are pretty good so, I can understand our aversion to not wanting to use them over open flame and have them all soot stained and blackened, but our dishes are another story. Why the unbreakable cups and plates? Why just for camping? Why not use them everyday, or better yet, why not just take our regular plates and dishes with us camping? A regular plate is just as likely to break (if not more so) if I drop it on the hard floor of the kitchen as it is to break if I drop it on the ground at the campsite. Why not use the unbreakable ones all the time?

Strange Thing #2 – Camping Clothes

Most of my day to day clothing is of the regular everyday variety that everyone uses. Cotton shirts and shorts, denim jeans and a few 'nicer' clothes that I use for 'dressing up' to go out. My camping clothes are more practical. They are made of synthetics and dry quickly, they are light weight and last for long periods of time because I only wear them a few times a year. So if my camping clothes are more practical, why am I not using them all the time? They keep me cool when it is hot and if it gets cold I dress in layers and I stay warm. They look pretty good (I think) and so why not use them all the time? Why the special clothing just for camping?

Strange Thing #3 – Locks (or lack thereof)

This has to be one of the most bizarre things that I have noticed about camping. When you get ready to go anywhere what do you do? You collect the things you think you need. You put them in the car and you close the door of your house and then you lock your door right? When camping the steps are the same only there are no locks. When camping we try to keep the site tidy and so we place our belongings in the tent and make sure that our stove is closed but we often just leave it on the table. We leave our chairs in place around the campfire pit. If we happen to have our canoe with us and are not using it, we stow our PFDs and paddles under it and we go off to do what we are going to do. Not exactly Fort Knox is it? Why do we allow ourselves to believe that our things are any more secure on our campsite than they are at home? Do we trust our temporary camping neighbours more than our regular neighbours at home? Even at night we crawl into our sleeping bags and zip up the tent, secure in the knowledge that the thin layer of nylon that the tent is made out of is going to keep us safe from wild animals and knife wielding maniacs. Perhaps all of those people at Sleep Away Camp and in the Friday the 13^th movies would have survived if they had been in tents. Delusional isn't it?

So there are just three of the odd things I have noticed about camping. I'm sure that everyone has similar oddities to do with their camping experiences. So if you have never been camping give it a try. You just might like it. If you already love camping and are going out this summer have fun, be safe and for god's sake don't touch the side of the tent if it rains!

The Guide to Campers

2009-07-14T11:01:00.001-03:00

My kids love to go camping. They are enthusiastic about every aspect of the whole experience-- from sleeping in a tent, to hiking in the forest, to eating roasted marshmallows over the campfire. From top to bottom, and left to right they LOVE camping. My bride and I also love camping and this past weekend proved to be another successful outing for the entire family. As I walked through the campground I got to thinking about some of the differences between various campers and the strange things we all do when camping. So this will be the first of a couple of blogs devoted to this activity.

As near as I can tell, there seems to be four distinct types of camper. The first type of camper is what I will call the minimalist. This camper arrives at the campground with the bare necessities of the camping experience. Basically they have a tent and sleeping bags, maybe a sleeping mat, some food and a book and not much else. They rely on their campfire or a small cook stove to cook their food and live a Spartan existence while camping.

The second category is what I will call the advanced minimalist. This is the category that my family falls into. We have the tent, stove, coolers for food, lanterns and flashlights, books, some games for rainy days as well as air mattresses for sleeping on and a power inverter for powering our electric pump for blowing up the air mattresses. With a little effort we can fit all of our stuff into our car and can entertain ourselves quite easily for 3 to 5 days. While as a whole my family falls into this category, when it is just my bride and I camping, we can easily revert to our minimalist roots.

The third category is the advanced camper. They can bring anything from a tent to a smallish travel trailer and also have a screened in shelter for eating and socializing in. The camp sites these people occupy look like small compounds or some sort of closed community. There are bikes and boats, lots of outdoor furniture and all kinds of toys littering the site. Just like home.

The fourth camper is the mega advanced camper. These are the people with the huge 40 foot long campers (often called 'land yachts') that have the video cameras on the back instead of a rear view mirror. They sport microwaves, electricity, generators, full bathrooms, dishwashers, air conditioners, satellite dishes and are nicer than most people's homes. More often than not they also pull a small car or truck behind as well. As near as I can tell, these people seem to want the 'atmosphere' of the campground without giving up their daily dose of Oprah in the afternoons or their toys. I have even seen this type of camper bring along their own inflatable pool and set it up beside their palace on wheels! I also saw one last summer pulling a Hummer behind.

So these are the basic types of campers that I have come into contact with. People in the first two categories are out there to enjoy nature, and to 'rough it' a bit. People in the third category like the outdoors and nature but want to have some comforts while they camp. As for the people in the last category… I'm not really sure what they're after.

Next time… The odd things campers do.

Truth in Advertising

2009-06-21T11:23:00.001-03:00

I don't usually pay much attention to advertising. I like to think that I am smart enough to avoid the pitfalls that advertisers put out there in order to get me to spend money on things that I probably don't need in the first place. Over the last few weeks though there have been a couple of ads that have caught my attention – but not in the way intended.

The first ad was one I have seen several times on television. It is flogging a new 'frosty' kind of milkshake thing at a national royal dairy retailer. The ad shows the product and the voice over intones that it is blended by hand. All I can think, every time I see it is, "Really?" Is it really blended by hand? Because when I hear that I picture a big vat or bowl of the ingredients and someone's hand reaching in to mix the stuff up. Keeping in mind all of the studies that have been done in recent years about the unhygienic conditions in some restaurants (not necessarily this one in particular) and the poor hand washing techniques of some employees, 'blended by hand' is not a big selling point for me.

The second was a print ad I saw yesterday while perusing the bundle of sale flyers that gets dropped at the end of the driveway each week. Again, I'm not so much looking for inspiration on things that I might want, but more to see if there is anything that I usually use around the house that might happen to be on sale this week. The particular ad in question was for beachwear. The sale they were promoting was for women's bathing suits – bikinis in particular. The ad stated the colours available, sizing and of course price, but the thing that caught my eye was the phrase 'tops or bottoms'. Again, really? Tops OR bottoms – kind of risqué no?

Now I've never been a huge fan of the beach (too far to go, too hot, too much sand inside the shorts) but if this ad is true, then I might just have to rethink this position. It could be an interesting summer at the beach.

Graduation 2009

2009-06-15T14:01:00.001-03:00

It's finally here! That time of year that all students work towards for 13 (in N.B., kindergarten to grade 12) long years – Graduation Week. That time of year when all of that hard work (or perhaps slacking off and then panicked work) all pays off. Time for the girls to spend loads of money on hair and make-up, tanning, and a dress you will never wear again (kind of sounds like a wedding). For the guys a time of trying to find that perfect date to show up at the prom with and then grope in the backseat of their '89 LTD in the parking lot. It's a busy time of year what with exams, dress fittings, tux fittings, Baccalaureate services, prom night insanity ('Does this dress make my bum look big?' 'No, honey, but it looks like your boobs may fall out!'), and graduation ceremonies. With all that is going on it is a good thing that we still have the mighty yearbook to fall back on to bring all of these fuzzy memories to light in the years to come.

One of my beautiful bride's responsibilities at the school where she works is to supervise the yearbook. You know, make sure that pictures of events get taken and that all of the various groups and teams get photographed for posterity, check to see that no inappropriate behaviour is photographed and published, that sort of thing. Most everything is done online now, no more 'cut and paste' in the 21^st century in the yearbook room. But on thing that still has to be done by good old pen and paper is the grads list of future plans (FP), favourite memory (FM), date of birth, full name etc.

Being a helpful guy I try and lend my wife a hand whenever I can to lighten the load. This year I volunteered to help proof the grad listings. All I could do was laugh at the same mistake being made now, that some people made when I graduated. Most can get their own names spelled correctly. Some can even get the right birth date and some sort of future plan down on paper. The mistake I mean is listing a favourite memory for a date that hasn't happened yet. Because these books are produced on a schedule, these grad lists have to be entered weeks ahead of time. On listing after listing I continued to see – FM: Prom and grad night with Chris (or Sally or Bob or Martha or whoever). How do they know? It could be the worst night of their lives. Perhaps Chris and Mary break up before prom night. Maybe Bob or Martha get loaded and hook up leaving their real dates high and dry. No one knows how this night is going to turn out.

When I noticed the prospective grads filling out their lists this year I tried to offer some advice against doing this sort of thing. Some listened, others did not. All I could think of as I read the lists was the old adage – Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Hockey Is Over

2009-06-13T18:07:00.002-03:00

Halleluiah, Praise the Lord! The 2008-2009 NHL hockey season has finally, at long last, thankfully come to an end. I don't mean that it was a long season because my chosen team (I don't particularly like any of them) had a bad season. I don't mean that I am tired of hearing about the attempt of a group in Hamilton trying to get a team there over the protests of the league president (even though I am). I don't mean that now we have 2 ½ blessed months without Don Cherry. I mean just what I said – it is over. The whole experience from the drop of the first puck in the fall to the final goal of the playoffs is too long. Do we really need to be watching ICE hockey in June? NO!

Professional sports have to dial it back. NBA, NHL, MLB, NFL, CFL… aaaAHHHHHH! Enough! It's all about money. Every professional sport extends their season as far as they can to make more and more money and the public eats it up. If it was really about the game, the experience, the players and the fans, each sport would play its regular season and then the two best teams would play a best of 5 series to determine the champion.

I like to think that I have a good attention span. I can pay attention to sermons in church, listen to teachers or lecturers droning on an on, sit through bad movies and listen to people tell me stories that I have no interest in hearing and less interest in learning the outcome of. But I cannot sit through another round of playoff hockey. I truly believe that hockey should be over when the last pile of snow melts outside the arena of the most northern NHL team. That way we won't have to bear the pain and suffering of playoff hockey in the middle of June.

It's not just hockey either, lest you think that I just don't like hockey. I think baseball should be over when the snow flies and that the NBA and the NFL should limit their playoffs to two weeks tops. Years ago a wise showman said "Always leave them wanting more." As it is right now, I've had more than enough.

Confessions of the Heart

2009-06-11T14:55:00.001-03:00

I can't stand it any longer. I have to tell the world about my obsession with my mistress. She is only 25 years old but holds a fascination for me that's hard to explain and belies her years. The give and take of our interactions is intoxicating and keeps me coming back for more. When we're together time seems to stand still and yet fly by at the same time. We met in the summer of my 11^th year and have had a stormy relationship ever since. At times our interactions seem more like a battle of wills or a contest of mental acuity than that of a relationship. She is a demanding mistress, and for the life of me I can't seem to shake her grip on my mind. I was reintroduced to her recently by a mutual friend after not having seen her for at least 10 years and her charms have not waned. Our love affair has been rekindled. But as ever, she is a guilty pleasure.

Her name is TETRIS. (You can meet her for yourself at http://www.freetetris.org ) I can't understand why this game gets to me. I find it utterly engrossing. It's hard to believe that a game as simple as this one can hold the imagination for this long a time. Now with the advent of MMRPGs online and the computer generated reality of the newer games on the market, TETRIS continues to hold the minds of players all over the world. It kind of reminds me of that ad with the slogan "Those Who Like It, Like It Allot!" It seems that people either hate this game or love it. I happen to fall into the latter category.

So, Happy Birthday TETRIS! Thanks for the years of wonderful time wasting entertainment. I look forward to many more.

Magic Carpet Ride

2009-06-03T15:00:00.001-03:00

The ingenuity of the human being is a wonder to behold. A few months ago, United States customs officials, in strange case of life imitating art à la Cheech and Chong, found a truck that was literally made out of cocaine! How does one do this? How does one even think of this? I guess if you really need to get that shipment of illegal drugs across the border, necessity really does become the mother of invention.

Now in a recent case, a woman trying to fly from Chile to Spain, was stopped when her baggage was found to be suspect. No, the drugs were not wrapped up in her clothing or cleverly hidden in her toothpaste tube or in her talcum powder bottle. Her suitcases were made out of drugs. Apparently the cocaine was mixed with resin and glass fibre and placed in a mould to create the hard pieces of her luggage. When the 'receivers' get the pieces, they use an unspecified 'chemical process' to separate the drugs from the unwanted material. Now I admittedly don't know much about drugs other than what I have read, but would you not want this stuff to be a pure as you can get it? Do you really want it to be combined with toxic materials and pressed into one shape, only later to be separated, by this 'chemical process' into the form you are buying? I mean, personally, I don't like anything I ingest to be 'chemically separated'. Although, I guess if you are taking cocaine, you're probably not all that concerned with the process of how it got to you.

Anyhow, the woman was caught and now faces the warm fuzzy embrace of the Chilean legal system. It does make me wonder though, what she said to her friends before she left. "See ya guys, I off on a trip… uh, I mean, I'm taking a trip. No wait! I mean I'm going on a trip, uh…"

Summer Is Here

2009-05-26T10:24:00.001-03:00

It is one of the world's great existential questions – When does summer really begin? Is it, as the calendar tells us, the 21^st of June, or is it when the first blade of grass on the lawn gets cut? Hard to say really. After cutting the lawn twice already this year, I tend to agree with the latter position. Not only is the grass growing and the leaves on the trees are either budding or already out, the most hated species of weed had begun to rear its ugly head again – the dandelion.

Let me be the first to admit that the well manicured lawn is, probably, the most unnatural thing in the world. At no time while you are wandering aimlessly through the woods, either by choice or when you get lost, will you stumble across an expanse of green grass, cut to uniform height and free of weeds or trees. Just doesn't happen. Why then, do we insist on cutting the grass and keeping the weeds at bay? I think it is a conspiracy perpetrated on the public by the rake manufacturers and the lawn mower companies. They have us all brainwashed into thinking that we need to have that green carpet in front of our houses.

I will also admit that I have, to some extent, bought into the whole lawn care thing. I rake the leaves in the fall and in the spring I rake off the dead grass. I cut the grass every five days or so depending on the need. I also do battle with the dandelion. I will not use chemicals or toxins on the lawn. I know there are some people who will say that when used correctly, these products are harmless. Call me crazy but anything that ends in – icide (infanticide, regicide, suicide, pesticide) can't be good for you. When you see the lawn poison guys applying this stuff, dressed in rubber gloves and boots and wearing respirators, you have to wonder. When I see one of these guys applying it to a lawn while wearing flip flops, shorts and a tank top, I might, possibly, after having determined if the guy has a death wish or not, then consider applying it to my own lawn. Until then…

So I guess until someone comes up with a proven method of getting rid of these annoying weeds, I will have to head out with my handy dandy dandelion puller and do things the hard way. I guess I should look on the bright side. I'm outside in the fresh air getting exercise. My property will look good and it won't kill me. And even if it does, at least I know it will be the hard work that does me in and not something scary that ends in icide.

If I Were In Your Shoes…

2009-05-21T08:05:00.002-03:00

Who among us hasn't fantasized about winning the lottery? What car would you drive? Would you build a new house or renovate your current one. What would you spend all that money on? Every once in a while my wife and I talk about this. Usually the conversation occurs when the jackpot reaches 35 or 40 million dollars. What would we do for ourselves, our family and the community. In our case this fantasizing is really just that, because I can count on one hand the number of times I have bought lottery tickets in the last 4 years. It is not something we usually do. But it is fun to dream.

All this begs the question – What would you do if you suddenly came into a large sum of money? What would you do if that money was placed into your account by mistake? What would you do if both happened at the same time? With one couple the answer to all of these questions seems to be RUN! Apparently this couple applied for a line of credit at the bank and for some reason the bank mistakenly deposited 6 million dollars in their account. Did they call the bank? Did they call their friends? No. They disappeared! Packed up and left their home, business and friends and are now in the wind.

This, quite obviously, wasn't the most honest thing to do. Should they have called the bank and reported the error? Probably. Would they have gotten the line of credit or a reward for their honesty? Who knows. (Given the seeming greed of the banking industry, probably not.) They probably should have taken the course of action that says that honesty is the best policy. But obviously this couple took the advice of Steve Miller instead – "Take the money and run."

The Hand That Feeds You

2009-05-19T08:14:00.001-03:00

In an odd attempt to cut down on fake accounts, Facebook has begun to purge accounts with names that the networking site believes are fake. Names that sound made up like James T. Kirk, James Bond or Bruce Wayne and names that are big in the news (Susan Boyle) are being targeted in an attempt to cut down on fake accounts.

I'm not sure what the theory behind this is. In North America and especially the United States, the whole diversity thing is a huge deal. We are proud of the fact that people from diverse backgrounds, different ethnic groups and other beliefs choose to come to Canada and the U.S. to live (theoretically anyway). Whatever happened to the whole 'melting pot' idea of the United States? Facebook was designed as a way for people to come together and 'socialize'. To make contact with other people who have the same interests and are maybe from other parts of the world is the whole point isn't it?

If this purge is an attempt to cut down on people and their malicious ways it is doomed to failure. Do they really think that if someone is going to do 'bad' things in the world of Facebook that they are going to use strange fake names? Why would they not just pull two names at random out of the phone book and make up a 'normal' sounding name? Bob Smith? Tom Johnson? Barbara Jones? Are these names fake or real? How to tell? Not every 'bad guy' (to use a phrase popular with my kids) is going to make it obvious that they are bad -- Joe Malicious.

Facebook spokesman Barry Schnitt (this name set off my spell check, it must be fake!), said "The vast, vast, vast majority of people we disable we never hear from again", as a justification of shutting people down. Well no kidding! If a networking site I used, and was encouraged to use, suddenly cut me off I would probably just go elsewhere. Would I pursue the issue? Probably not. Coming hot on the heels of the whole user agreement dispute Facebook had not long ago, one thing is for certain -- Facebook really knows how to make and keep friends.

Fool Proof Business Model

2009-05-15T09:56:00.001-03:00

I have finally come up with a fool proof business model that is going to make me millions of dollars and I will never have to work again! I am going to set up a company with at least 20 Vice Presidents and give them all huge salaries and perks and pension and bonus plans. Everywhere we need to go we will travel to by private jet. Then we are going to set up an unwieldy distribution network so that we have at least 2 retail outlets in every town and city (some of them on the same block and in direct competition with each other). The products my company is going to make will be of fair to middling quality and over priced, and run counter to the needs and desires of the public at large. Finally my company will not change with the times and we will continue to produce our products well after the shelf life and attractiveness of the items is past. What could possibly go wrong?

If you haven't figured it out from the sarcasm dripping out of the first paragraph, I'm really not serious about this business. Strangely enough though, hundreds of thousands of people seem to think that this kind of business needs to keep running and should get billions of dollars in taxpayer money to help it to do so. The car industry in this country (and in the U.S.) is in serious trouble. Two of the 'big three' auto makers are on the verge of ruin and the third, although doing o.k., is not the healthiest business on the planet. Why are these businesses doing so poorly? Could part of the reason be that two of them have the business model outlined above and one of these, has consistently produced vehicles that people don't really want. In an age of rising gas prices, and the need for fuel efficiency they released big cars with gas guzzling engines. Who really needs a V12 5.6L engine in their truck to drive to the grocery store?

I feel sorry for the people who have to loose their jobs because of the stupidity of their bosses, but I don't think these companies deserve to get government money to allow them to continue in the way that they are going. If it were any other industry, any other business, the house of cards would have fallen and the company would be gone. If the only book store in town, only stocks lawn care books and the town is located in the middle of the desert, how long is it going to last? Should they get a government handout? Nope. Why would this kind of mismanagement be rewarded?

We need to focus on things that are going to pay off in the future. The age of high performance muscle car is past. As much as I might like to own a 1969 Dodge Charger (or even one of the newer versions), I know that I could not afford to put gas in it. I also know that gas prices are not going to drop dramatically in the next 10 years, if anything they will continue to rise and this will make the use of such a vehicle more and more impractical. The money spent in trying to prop up these companies would be better spent on perfecting alternative fuel sources and developing more and more fuel efficient vehicles. Will the demise of these companies hurt? Absolutely. But we need to look to the future and spend money on what is to come – not what is already beyond repair.

Please Pass The Penicillin

2009-05-13T09:21:00.002-03:00

We try to be diligent in using our leftovers in a timely manner. We have plenty of containers for storing food in the fridge when we have made too much to eat in one sitting. In a busy household, the remains of previous meals can be a real time saver, when all you have to do is reheat something instead of creating a meal from scratch. But no matter how faithfully we try to use our leftovers, something always seems to get lost in the great wilderness in the back of the fridge.

These forgotten items in the back of the fridge seem to hide. We try and clean out the fridge weekly, but for some reason there always seems to be something forgotten at the back, just waiting to emit a disgusting odour. Nothing makes me gag more than having to clean out and wash a container that has been festering in the fridge for weeks. Everything, from the first cracking of the seal and the smell that seems to cling to everything, to scraping the goop into the garbage and washing the offending container, makes me want to gag (and sometimes does). While in university, I even sometimes resorted to just tossing the whole container in the garbage in order to avoid having to open it. Never though, have I closed down a place of business or sent people to hospital by cleaning out the fridge.

An office worker in San Jose, California was cleaning out the staff refrigerator and the noxious smells she created caused the closure of the building, required a HAZMAT team and sent 7 co-workers to hospital! My question is -- How long had it been since that fridge was cleaned?

To be fair it was the mixture of cleaning chemicals that the woman used that caused the problem and not the stuff in the fridge. I would like to say in my own defence that I have never had to use harsh chemicals to clean my fridge. This particular appliance must have been in some god-awful condition to necessitate the use of potentially poisonous cleaning products. How hard is it to remove your junk from the fridge at work? Were these people part of some terrorist cell? Why on earth would you leave something you brought to work in the fridge until it was on the verge of intelligent thought? I feel bad for the woman who took it upon herself to venture into the wasteland of the office fridge and brought the world down on herself. Not quite the thanks she was probably hoping for.

Spring Has Sprung

2009-04-30T18:04:00.002-03:00

Well, I think it is almost safe to say that spring is here. The days are getting longer. Temperatures are going up and the sun is shining. The four feet of snow that was in my yard is now down to a few patches dirty white hold outs, and my canoe is calling to the calm waters of the river in front of my house. The only problem is that the retreating snow pack is revealing my shortcomings of last fall.

It is an exciting time, the spring. Ever since I was a kid I loved the challenge of what I now call 'tactical hydrological engineering'. Trying to find ways to efficiently remove the water from the melting snow cover from my property without washing out my driveway or ending up with an indoor pool in the basement. When it comes down to it I guess it is basically playing in puddles. But let's not split hairs here. Let's just agree that the former sounds more grown up than the latter and leave it at that. Spring is also the time when the kids miraculously 'discover' where that toy went, that they just had to have last January, and was nowhere to be found in the house. There it is, half frozen in ice like some kind of prehistoric mammoth, revealed by global warming. Unfortunately, spring is also the time of year when my lack of enthusiasm for raking leaves comes into full view.

I guess I just hope that somehow with the beginning of winter that the yard pixies or the forest dryads or whatever, will decide that they just have to have all the leaves covering my yard and will use the cover of snow to remove all the detritus of the fall. Then when the snow melts, I will have no raking to do. The grass will green up and I can enjoy the summer. Well, sad to say, no such luck yet. The snow is now almost all gone and there are the leaves, mocking me from almost the same locations that I last saw them in before the snow came. The Horror! THE HORROR!

Depressingly, I have no other choice than to buckle down and begin the hated act of raking. On the bright side, the only thing that could be worse than having to go out and rake the yard, would be heading to the garage to tune up the snow blower in preparation for a snowstorm.

Someone Save Us… From Ourselves

2009-04-28T10:58:00.003-03:00

No doubt about it humans as a species are a resilient lot. We are one of the few mammals on the planet whose young cannot take care of themselves for years. Think about that for a second. Most other animals are up and walking within a few minutes of being born, a couple of hours at most. Human children take a year or more to even begin to attempt walking and even then are unsteady for months. Humans cannot look for food, feed themselves or defend themselves for years. We depend on others for everything we need for years. Even now, when most of don't have to worry about defending ourselves from wild animals, we need help protecting ourselves from that even more dangerous opponent – Ourselves.

A quick search of the internet reveals the depths we have sunk to in an attempt to keep people safe. Just search for instructions and directions on everyday products and you will see what I mean. We recently bought a new electric iron and printed on the directions sheet was the following, 'Do not iron clothes while wearing them.' Other silly instructions I have seen or read about are:

Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.

"I just can't understand why my toast comes out soggy and I come out crispy."

I can understand directions like these to a certain extent. At least they are trying to keep us safe. I mean, I know everyone has had the urge to dry their hair with the blow torch, so the warning to not use the blowtorch as a hairdryer is appreciated. But when the instructions include directions on how to use a particular product, it can sometimes get out of hand. Does anyone not know that a box of Lego contains small parts, or that some assembly, might, just possibly, be required when putting a jig saw puzzle together. My favourite in these directives was found on a bar of Dial soap – Unwrap and use like regular soap. "Well, no wonder this soap wasn't working right, honey. We weren't using it like regular soap!"

The list goes on and on and on. When you think about it though, common sense must not be all that common. Companies usually do not do things for altruistic reasons. If a company places a warning on a product, it is because somebody, somewhere, used that blowtorch as a hairdryer. Someone ironed their clothes while wearing them. Somebody touched those wires. So I guess the lesson is if these warnings and instructions apply to you then perhaps you should follow them. Just remember that your new food processor is to be used for processing food, not the other thing.

The Fitness Dilemma

2009-04-27T10:05:00.001-03:00

Like most people, I have a few extra pounds on me. From time to time I get motivated and decide that I will bite the bullet and loose some weight. Then after a couple of days I slack off and go back to my previous life of sloth and indolence. What tends to push me into these get fit kicks is realizing that an activity that used to be easy for me is no longer easy. Things like spending a few hours on a mountain bike or canoeing all day, bending over to tie my shoes or eating supper without loosing my breath. I can sometimes fool myself about this by using the old "I'm getting older" excuse, but deep down I know – I'm out of shape.

Recently I read an article about these exercise balls that have been all the rage in the last couple of years. You know the ones, they're made out of stretchy rubber and you inflate them and use them for a series of exercises designed to help 'tone and contour' your abs, bum, legs and arms (and wash the dishes, do the laundry and mow the lawn). They come with instructions and a little hand pump to inflate the ball. By the time the ball is inflated with that stupid pump you are so tired you don't feel like exercising anyway. Maybe that's the real exercise with these things. Don't do the exercises, just inflate and deflate the ball over and over again. But I digress. The article I read was about a recall on these devices because of the potential of over inflation and the danger that they might explode when using them.

I have to admit that the few times I tried the one we have here at home, the first thing that went through my mind was "I hope this thing doesn't pop". In my mind's eye I could see myself flat on the floor with the remnants of the rubber ball spread out in the aftermath of a gigantic explosion. Furniture piled up against the walls, windows blown out into the yard, strips of rubber hanging from light fixtures and plants, maybe the kids up in the branches of the tree outside the window, the huge mushroom cloud above the house. Once I got the hang of it the ball was kind of a neat apparatus. But like most exercise devices, not one that would magically turn me into my 20 year old self.

In all of the times that I used the ball though, not once did I think about it being over inflated. Never even crossed my mind that it might explode because I put too much air in it. My concern was not that the ball itself was over inflated, but that I was.

Peek-A-Boo, I See You

2009-04-21T08:02:00.001-03:00

The way some people are going on about it, you would think that Google Street View is a direct affront to them. "It's an invasion of privacy!", they cry. If you don't know, Street View is a new function on the Google Earth program that allows users to see eye level pictures of select cities and towns. Basically, the Google people send a car through a city and on top of the car is a 360° camera. The techno wizards then take these photos and incorporate them into the regular shots of the city. It is like taking a tour of a street from eye level. Some people of course don't like this.

People opposed to this say that they don't want their image recorded for the world to see on the internet. They say it is an invasion of privacy. In some places whole towns have banded together to keep photos from being taken. I wonder what the big deal is really. Our images are regularly recorded every day. If you go to the store, walk down the street, go to the bank, enter a school, go to the airport, stop at a traffic light or enter a government building your picture is taken for posterity (or to identify you after you rob the bank). Add to this the number of people with camera phones and I'm surprised we are not all being recorded 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Really the only way your image is not recorded in today's society is if you live in the basement and never go outside.

There was a case where a gentleman (I use the term loosely, I assure you), was caught on Street View leaving a porn shop. His image was uploaded to the site and he requested that it be taken down and it was. The argument this brought up was, what if he had not seen it and it had stayed online? Thousands of people might have seen it. Yep. But my take on this is that people see you every day when you walk down the street. Employees see you when they serve you. You are in full view of everyone you pass on the sidewalk. If you are embarrassed to be seen doing something that you think might reflect poorly on you – Maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place!

Lesson Learned

2009-04-19T12:08:00.002-03:00

Well the world learned a lesson this week about not judging a book by its cover. If you are on of the few who haven't seen Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent then stop reading this blog right now and go to youtube, watch the video there and come back. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY See you in 7 minutes.

O.k. now that we are all on the same page, I want to ask you this – When you first saw her and her introductory remarks at the beginning, what did you think? You thought the same thing as everyone else in the audience that night. Here we go again. Here is someone who is going to make our ears bleed and be dragged off the stage screaming that she has what it takes to sing professionally when clearly she does not. Right? That what you thought. That's what I thought. What a pleasant surprise.

Whether we want to admit it or not we all do this every day. We see someone who does not match up with our perception of what we think is right, or beautiful or smart or whatever and that snap reaction colours our dealings with that person from then on. I thought the same thing as everyone in that audience. What could this person possibly show us. The editing in the program did not help. It played into the first impression we had and helped to add to the surprise. The two backstage hosts obviously knew what was up.

What Susan Boyle showed not only us but the whole world is that no matter what the package, the gifts that we have on the inside are more important than the wrapping. Next time I find myself coming to a snap judgement about someone I will think about Susan Boyle and hopefully deal with the person differently. Thanks Ms. Boyle – Lesson learned.

Have Fun… But Quietly

2009-04-17T09:29:00.001-03:00

I have to admit that I like things when they are quiet. I can sit and read a book, or listen to the birds in the summer. I especially like the early mornings when the sun is just coming up and the birds begin their daily song. There is no traffic noise and the city is not yet awake, but the birds begin to sing and the day starts off right.

I realize that there is a time and place for noise. I enjoy loud music from time to time, much to the distress of my children. They seem to think that I'm too old for this kind of behaviour. Parties, concerts, school playgrounds are all great places for noise.

Have you ever been near a school playground when the kids are there? Chaos is probably the best word to describe the action. Kids running this way and that, swings swinging, balls bouncing and above it all the noise. (Cue the Boris Karloff 'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas' voice, "The noise, noise, noise!") They all look like they are having such fun that sometimes I wish I was one of them, but figure I'd be locked away if I ever decided to take part in the fun. Kind of goes back to that whole 'too old for that kind of thing' my kids believe. Too bad that not everyone see this fun and noise the same way.

In Texas, a man has complained about the noise coming from the local elementary school. "According to a police report, Armstrong [the complainant] told an officer that "police, fire, ambulances and the (air force) training jets are not unreasonable, but the noise coming from the elementary school was." -- Canadian Press WHAT?!? The noise from air force training jets was o.k. but the sounds of kids having fun isn't? What better sound could there be than a bunch of happy kids having fun? The school has had to remove outside loudspeakers, build a fence and install noise dampening insulation on the fence in an attempt to give this guy his much needed quiet. Perhaps next they should build a giant bubble over the school. I kind of feel sad for the poor guy who dislikes the sound of happiness so much that he feels compelled to have an elementary school charged with noise bylaw violations.

The whole situation reminds me of a song I heard recently. The chorus really struck chord with me – "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy!"

Before and After

2009-04-13T17:32:00.001-03:00

I read an article the other day about the benefits of indulging in cravings. Basically the article said that it is better to give in once in a while to that urge for a milkshake or chocolate bar, than it is to abstain indefinitely. By giving in you are more likely to be satisfied with less, rather than bingeing on a whole lot of the offending item. This got me thinking about before and after things. You often hear people say that they are craving chocolate. What did people crave before we had chocolate?

Another article I read outlined some of the reasons we are chronically overtired as a society. Two of the main reasons for this lack of sleep are the advent of the electric light bulb and later, the television. Before the days of artificial light, we tended to go to bed when it got dark. Work, business and socializing was done mainly in daylight hours and when the sun went down we went to bed. After cities and towns became illuminated, we began to do more and more things after dark. Television increased the options for us in that we now could enjoy entertainment in the comfort of our homes and often stayed up later as a result. We are now getting 1 to 2 less hours of sleep a night than our grandparents got only 50 or 60 years ago.

Some would argue that before the advent of the internet we had more face to face interpersonal communication and that interaction was more meaningful because we had to make an effort to accomplish it. We could not just sit at a computer and bang off an e-mail or type out a text message on the phone. Before e-mail we had to actually write letters with pen and paper in order to put our thoughts down for someone else. Seems like a more romantic pastime than typing an e-mail.

With each step up the technological ladder our world seems to have gotten a little faster and a little less personal. Not every thing is worse off for this advancement of course. I would rather have the medical treatments we have today than the blood letting and hocus pocus practiced in earlier times. I do rather enjoy indoor heating and plumbing. I wonder though, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

The Tangled Web We Weave

2009-04-01T08:38:00.001-03:00

Sometimes I am completely amazed that this planet still holds surprises for us. You would think that after inhabiting the planet for several hundred millennia we would have seen it all. We have spread out to cover the planet with cities, explored the dark jungles and highest mountains and still the planet is just now revealing some of its secrets.

Just last week a scientist in working in Papua New Guinea, announced that he had found a previously unrecorded and unknown species of jumping spider. Think about that for a minute. With all of the combined knowledge we have accumulated over the last few thousand years, we still have things to discover! Pretty amazing eh?

My only concern comes when I think about what we have done with some of the other 'previously unknown' species we have found. All kinds of animals on this planet have survived perfectly well until humans got their fingers into the mix. We have fished cod until the fishery collapsed. Hunted whales for their oil until a couple of species have only a few hundred members left. Look at the poor Dodo bird. When we found it there were thousands of them. Then sailors looking for an easy meal hunted the trusting birds (which were too stupid to run away but had survived perfectly well) into oblivion. So with this track record you can see my concern for this new spider.

I know, I know. We are getting better at taking care of the planet. Slowly we are learning that if we as a species want to survive we have to take better care of our home. But when humans want something, there is little that will dissuade them from taking what they want. God forbid that this new spider turns out to be good for something we need. What happens when scientists figure out that its squished remains are the cure for that global scourge of hangnails? Or the terrible, debilitating ailment of receding eyebrow lines? If it turns out that this spider is good for something that we think we need… Let the extinction begin.

Signs of Spring

2009-03-29T10:27:00.002-03:00

Well, the robins have returned! I noticed a couple of these welcome signs of spring yesterday when I was outside enjoying the sun. Not only is it the time of the year when the snow melts and the grass begins to green up and the birds return but it is also the time of year for that essential Canadian experience – Roll up the Rim. For those of you who might not know about this, a national coffee/donut retailer, Tim Horton's, has a contest each year where their coffee cups are printed with a message under the little rolled rim at the top of the cup. After you finish your beverage, you roll the rim up to see if you have won a prize. Much has been made about the seeming unfairness of how these cups are distributed across the country. Depending on where you live and the amount of coffee sold, your chances of winning the big prizes are either higher or lower. Basically if you live where the most coffee is sold, you have a better chance of winning.

Depending on your temperament, the "Sorry Play Again" message can range from "You've won a chance to play again", to "You've won a chance to pay again." Prizes range from a donut or bagel to flat screen televisions, cash and automobiles. Some people get really involved in this 'contest'. I have heard of people tracking the prizes they won and how many they won from year to year. I have heard of people who order, and pay for, coffee for the whole office in the understanding that any prizes won revert to them. I have even heard of people who buy extra coffee, that they have no intention of drinking, just to get an extra cup or two for the chance to win something.

I like coffee. I even like to win things. But I tend to take the view that, if I am spending extra money for something that I don't really need, then even if I have won something, I'm still out the money I spent. If I happen to be going by a location and happen to want a coffee, I might stop and buy one, but I don't make special trips for the chance to win a donut. That being said I do like the anticipation of rolling that little rim up. I have won coffee, donuts, bagels and muffins. I have heard of people winning cash prizes and televisions and cars. There is one prize that many people seem to win that I have never won though -- the chance to throw my cup on the ground and leave it there.

From the amount of these cups I saw on the ground this morning, their little rims chewed and gnawed like starving rats had found them, there must be a littering prize that I have never won. My cups tend to accumulate in the car until I begin to feel self conscious and scared that someone will look in and see the pigsty I drive around in. Heaven forbid someone gets in the car before I can clean it out and I embarrass myself. Never, never, NEVER, have I thrown a cup out on the ground when I was finished with it, no matter how disappointed I was not to win. As far as I know the contest is 'Roll up the Rim to Win' not 'Roll up the Rim to Litter'.

Hot Means Hot

2009-03-25T11:23:00.002-03:00

Human beings are funny creatures. I don't mean funny in the Buster Keaton or Jerry Seinfeld way. But funny in that we do things, that, if we thought about them for just a second, we would rush to avoid.

This weakness really comes into play when we are told not to do something. I speak here of the warning label. Never in the history of the world has an invention so encouraged us to do exactly the opposite of what the sign is warning us not to do. Not only do we often read the label, we proceed to ignore everything the label said to do or not to do. The other day I saw a guy smoking. While smoking, he was intently reading the warning on the pack of cigarettes and looking at the disgusting picture on the package. Right on. Obviously the warnings were not meant for him I guess.

Sadly, I am not immune to this foible of the human being. Just this morning I stopped at the local national retailer of hot beverages to buy a hot chocolate and a muffin. As I sat in the sun enjoying my muffin, I casually read the side of the cup my hot chocolate was in and saw the warning – "CAUTION: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT!" When I first read the warning I thought to myself, "Yep. Hot chocolate is usually hot. Why would they need to put that on the cup? Obviously they need to protect people from themselves." I proceeded to finish my muffin and peeled back the lid of the cup. Just before I took a drink a friend stopped to say hello and we spoke for a few minutes. Then my friend left me to run an errand and I returned to my hot chocolate. Now I don't want to exaggerate too much, but the liquid in that cup could only have been that temperature if it had been scrapped off the surface of the sun only minutes before I arrived in the store. I managed to choke down the blistering drink and not spit it on the window of the store, but WOW! They weren't fooling! I guess hot really does means hot.

I’m There But Not There

2009-03-23T08:32:00.001-03:00

I try to be an involved parent. I think it's a good thing when parents can take part in their children's activities. I think if a parent can manage to show an interest in their child's development it helps the child to feel important and builds confidence for the future. In the last few years as my children have begun to get older and take interest in different activities, my wife and I are travelling to more and more events, activities, recitals and locations, in an effort to support our children and stay involved. Some of these activities, we can take part in as coaches or 'support staff' but for some things we are just proud members of the audience, and as such we do the things that proud parents do. We wait expectantly for our child to take centre stage. Fire off enough pictures to fill a museum. Clap like idiots for the performance our child just finished, and nod and compliment other parents in the same boat as we are in.

All of this can be fun, nerve racking and embarrassing, sometimes all at once. But I find that my digital video camera gets in the way. I spend time making sure that my child is in the centre of the frame. I follow the action with the camera trying to keep it steady so that future viewers don't have to take motion sickness pills before they watch. I fight with other parents for the perfect spot to take my video. All of this means that even though I am in attendance at the event I'm not really there. I don't get to actually 'see' my children perform, except through the LCD screen on the camera.

Yes, I know, we want to be able to go back and see how our kids danced, or sang, or played in later years. Yes, it's great for the grandparents and aunts and uncles who could not attend to be able to see the performance. But why? Until the advent of the still camera and later video, events happened. People watched and remembered the performance. If someone missed the performance, too bad. It was described to them and life went on. When did this need to record everything become so ingrained in society.

I think from now on I am going to 'forget' the camera at home. At least for a while. I think that I will attend the events and enjoy what is happening, while it happens, instead of watching it when I get home. And if someone can't make it to the show, maybe I'll do a puppet show for them later.

How Did That Happen?

2009-03-20T06:41:00.001-03:00

A crack of the bat and the ball rises into the blue sky. It rises higher and higher, almost in slow motion, fighting the pull of gravity until it reaches the apex of its trajectory and begins its high speed journey back to the ground. A player positions himself under the ball and waits for the satisfying thump of the ball finding the pocket of his glove. The crowd holds its breath and waits for the end of the inning. Then a roar from the crowd—joy from the visitors and derision from the home crowd as the ball hits the turf and rolls past the fielder. The runners advance and the visiting team gets another chance to pull victory from the jaws of defeat. In the aftermath, the player who missed the ball looks at his glove like a friend who has let him down, a mixture of bewilderment and embarrassment on his face.

You see this scenario every season. And not just in baseball. Tennis players who miss a shot look at their rackets. Curlers look at their brooms. Football players look at their hands. In every sport in every league from the smallest child to the highest paid professional, if they miss a shot, miss a catch or foul up a play they all look at the tools of their trade, as if for some reason, it's the equipment's fault.

We have all done it. Maybe you are playing Frisbee with the kids. Or badminton with friends. We miss, or drop or otherwise fail and we look for something to blame. Human nature I guess. Nobody wants to be at fault. Not that there is anything wrong with this I guess. It's not the end of the world. Except maybe to the guy who looses the big game when he misses the ball and it rolls between his legs and makes him look like a 5 year old t-ball player, and everybody remembers it for the next 25 years.

There are very few people who play sports who do not do this. I have to laugh every time I see it. After all, it's a poor carpenter who blames his tools.

Congratulations, You are the 12,769,878 Visitor!

2009-03-19T07:47:00.001-03:00

No, you are not really the 12,769,878^th visitor to this blog. Sorry to get your hopes up. If you were I would be significantly busier than I am.

Often, for some reason, the need to win something takes people over. I guess that's the reason for all of these banner ads that show up on some websites. People seem unable to resist the chance to get something for nothing. When a flashing box on the screen promises you a new laptop, or a vacation or some other wonderful expensive prize, the need to win takes some people over I guess. How can it be that I have won something for doing nothing but click on a website? As Homer Simpson once said "It doesn't matter that we didn't enter the contest, all that matters is that we won!" I guess it is the same compulsion that people feel when they buy lottery tickets. You know, maybe this time, perhaps, I will win that big prize and live forever in a house made of gold with diamond windows.

The thing is, I always figured that these things were some kind of scam. So being a curious sort, I did a little experiment. While on a website that I visit every couple of weeks, I noticed a banner ad that said that I was, lets say, the 12,345^th visitor to the site and had won a prize. No, no, I did not click the link! I went old school. With a writing implement called a pencil and a pad of what is called paper, I wrote down the website, the company the ad was for and the number 12,345 and the date. A few days later I was at the same site and again there was the ad, saying I was a winner. Same thing for the next 5 visits to the site. Funny thing was, although the day, time and frequency of my visits to the site changed the number 12,345 did not. Do they really expect me to believe that no one else visited the site over the same time period? And even in the unlikely event that I am the only person in the world to visit this particular site, if I visited the site at least 7 times should the number not have increased to 12,352?

Needless to say, I never did click the link. Lord knows what I would have ended up with on my computer, or how much spam I would have had to contend with. I've never really been one for entering contests and buying lottery tickets so these banner ads don't really matter to me much. Maybe I'm wrong and I really did win something. I guess I will never know because I don't intend to click these ads. I tend to follow that wise old adage when I'm online, If something seems too good to be true—it probably is.

All Of These Things Are Just Like The Others

2009-03-17T06:55:00.001-03:00

Do you remember that song from Sesame Street, where the characters present several items and sing "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong…"? Kind of a catchy tune for little kids but apparently not entirely scientific in basis.

Let me ask you a question-- What do the following products have in common? Salad Dressing. Toothpaste. Mascara. Spicy Peanut Sauce. Sorbet. Underwater Concrete. Lets see-- salad dressing, toothpaste, peanut sauce and sorbet, all go in your mouth, but not mascara, or concrete. Toothpaste and concrete can be used to fill holes of various sizes, but not the other things on the list. Just you try and fill that drywall hole with salad dressing. Sorbet will fill the hole for a short time but it always melts, and usually stains the wall. So, nothing you say. These things have nothing in common. If you look at these things from a purely functional perspective, you're right, they have nothing in common.

Commonality comes into play when you consider the ingredients. All of these diverse products contain the wonder of the product world—Xanthan Gum. This stuff is used as a thickener in all kinds of products that seemingly have nothing in common. Basically it helps things that become liquid when shaken, thicken back up when they stop being shaken. Pseudoplasticity it's called. Cool word eh? Really rolls off the tongue doesn't it? P s e u d o p l a s t i c i t y. It's hard to believe the range of products that this stuff ends up in. Everything from makeup to toothpaste, food products and construction materials. Maybe we should be looking at it for fuel for cars too. You can buy bags of the stuff at the grocery store. Wouldn't that be great. Need some gas for the car, run to the grocery store, pick up some xanthan gum, mix it up and drive away. I can see the commercials now (cue the announcer voice), "Need gas?
Buy Acme brand home petroleum mix. The only petroleum mix with Xanthan Gum, the best fermented corn sugar polysaccharide money can buy!" Of course some fool would probably blow himself up while mixing it so maybe not such a good idea after all.

What Makes The Wind Blow?

2009-03-15T10:43:00.001-03:00

I know that many people who know me and my sense of humour often wonder how my loving bride puts up with me. My range of humour goes from sarcastic to ridiculous. I can usually find something humorous in almost any situation. This can be a good thing sometimes, when the mood needs lightening. At other times… maybe not so much. I love to grab on to something and tease the person mercilessly. It helps that I have a good memory. I can store away little bits of information about someone or an event and then bring it out at the most opportune time to cause the most hilarity, at least for me. Kind of a humour blitzkrieg.

I remember in university when my phone number was a couple of digits off from the local pizza place. From time to time my roommates and I would get calls from people wanting to order pizza. Eventually, I began to get sick of this and started to take orders. "It will be ready in twenty minutes sir." Bad, I know. But eventually people began to dial the right number and the calls stopped and I had fun doing it. And no, the pizza place did not go out of business.

My wife is (thank God) a very understanding and tolerant woman. She puts up with me day in and day out and often just smiles and nods at my observations. I know my kids often get fed up with my antics, but what can I say? While travelling, I often hear from the back seat, "Are we there yet?" I just smile and reply, "Nope, we're still here." Drives them nuts! What else are kids for, right?

I remember once, when my daughter was quite young, she said to me "Daddy, look at the wind blowing the trees!" I wish I could adequately describe the look of utter confusion and wonder that came over her face when I gave her my answer. I knelt down to her level and looked her straight in the eye. Then I said to her with a completely straight face, "How do you now the wind is blowing the trees? Maybe the trees are moving and making the wind!"

Internet, What Would We Do Without You?

2009-03-12T19:53:00.001-03:00

I really think we are becoming too dependent on the Internet. I mean, we can hardly do without it in the early part of the 21^st Century. From banking to social networking to research on essay topics and dating, the internet is a part of everyday life for most of us.

I wonder if this dependence is really a good thing. In its original format, the internet was simply a method for sharing information. Used mostly be the military and later research scientists, it was a way to move information from point A to point B quickly and somewhat easily. Now the internet is a bastion, not only for people looking to share information, but for those with too much time on their hands. Do we really need to see video of a stupid kid abusing a cat? Or some overly distraught fan of Brittany Spears crying and ranting like the end of the world has come? How did we ever survive as a species when we actually had to go out and meet people in order to find a date?

I got thinking about this the other day when I was online, vainly trying to find an accurate weather forecast (you already know my feelings on this subject). As I scrolled down the screen I noticed a little box that said "See What The Weather Is Doing Where You Are". I have to admit, it caught my curiosity and I clicked the link. What followed was a list of webcams that showed real time footage of various locations across the country. Not a bad feature I guess. Especially if you never leave the basement and daylight burns your skin like a vampire.

I think we are finally coming to the end of society as we have known it. We no longer have to leave the house to do our banking, pay the bills, shop or date. Now it seems that we no longer have to even look outside to see what is happening with the weather. Perhaps more people should follow the advice my father used to give us when he thought we had not been outside enough. He would enter the room, have a look at the destruction we had wrought and ask "Why don't you go outside and blow the stink off?" Why not indeed, Dad.

What’s In A Name?

2009-02-20T13:47:00.003-04:00

When you really think about it, our name is really the only thing we have that is ours. I mean really ours. Someone, usually our parents, gives us a name when we are born and that name follows us through our entire lives, good or bad, forever. When we are given our names sometimes they come with a history. Perhaps you were named after you grandmother or grandfather, maybe one of your parents or aunts or uncles. Whoever you were named after, the shared name sometimes creates a bond that lasts through the decades and sometimes not.

I do wish that some people would think more about the names they decide to saddle their kids with. I can't imagine that Stanley Harold Isaac Thompson thanks his parents when he gets his monogrammed towels each Christmas (apologies to anyone out there with that particular name—I chose these particular names only for comic effect, I assure you). Or that the triplets Candi, Randi and Bambi, appreciate the stereotypical image that these names might bring to mind. Then there are those more obscure names that kids are punished with like Snowflake, Dandelion or Pussywillow. I mean, where do people get some of these odd names, at the bottom of the Chardonnay bottle?

Love them or hate them, take them or leave them, our names are usually ours, by the fact that we are given them at birth, registered legally with the government and used throughout our lives. Now it seems that there is one area that our names might not be our own. Yes, as always, the internet. Did you know that you can register your name as an internet domain name? So yes, Theophilus Dondilinger, you can name a website after yourself. For a yearly fee, you can be the (possibly?) proud owner of theophilusdondilinger.ca. But did you also know that anyone else can register your name, either with or without your knowledge and consent?

In the wonderful world of the internet your name can be someone else's for a small fee and some paperwork. You have no real control (much like getting your name in the first place I guess). Anyone can use your name for any reason, good or bad as long as they keep paying for the privilege. There are ways to get it back but they all take time, effort or money (rich and famous people often have to pay the registered owners of their online name for the rights to get it back) or all three and there is no guarantee of success.

This isn't a problem for most of us, nor will it ever be. But if you ever become rich and famous, please let me know—just make sure I have the correct spelling of your name when you do, would you?

Weather, Weather Everywhere

2009-02-19T08:16:00.002-04:00

Well, it looks like we are in for another snow storm tonight. For some reason I always have to smile when it comes to the weather. I can think of no other subject that causes so much discussion and that we can do so little about. "Is it hot enough for you?" "Is it cold enough for you?" I wish we would have more sun." I wish it wasn't so hot." "It's too humid." Any of these ring a bell? Just about the only thing we don't wish for when it comes to the weather is rain.

As anyone who lives around here knows, the weather changes almost minute by minute (or seems to) and that must make it terrible for radio announcers and the like to try and keep up with the current conditions. I remember once when listening to the radio, the announcer, in a very authoritative voice declared that there was no chance of rain and that the humidity was 65%. I just happened to be looking out the window at the downpour happening and thought, "Looks to be about 100% humidity now." Why the guy could not just look out the window at the radio station is beyond me.

Looking at today's forecast, makes me laugh. In big bold letters in a red banner the website proclaims, "Winter Storm Watch". All I can think of is a bunch of people hiding out in their houses and peeking through the curtains, waiting for the first few flakes of snow. Like the storm is going to jump out from around the corner, "WATCH OUT! HERE IT COMES!" It's weather, for Pete's sake, not a horror movie.

I think we should all stop worrying about the weather—it happens every day. I know everyone has their preference for weather. Not everyone likes hot weather, some people like it when it's cold. But, hot or cold, sunny or snowy, you have to look on the bright side. At least it keeps us all entertained enough to keep talking about it. I can think of some television shows that might wish for that kind of attention.

Safety in Anonymity

2009-02-16T14:54:00.001-04:00

Have you ever listened to or read a news item that really set you off? You know the kind I mean, the ones about government overspending, the criminal who was guilty as sin but got away on a technicality or the ones about some criminal mastermind who stuck his tongue to a frozen post and got caught. You see or hear these news items and perhaps you have a laugh or maybe even, shall we say, an uncharitable thought. Perhaps you even comment on the item to a friend or family member.

I follow the news allot. For anyone who knows me, that, is not a big surprise. I don't have a voyeuristic streak or anything like that. I just like to be informed about the world around me. I tend to avoid the entertainment news, mainly because it is singularly un-entertaining. I also try to avoid the stories about individual tragedy and loss. But after that, pretty much anything is fair game. Being a kind of news junkie, I tend to check out news sites on a regular basis. I browse the headlines and if something catches my attention, I will take a few moments to read some of the piece and see what it is about. Sometimes I am rewarded by a good piece of journalism and sometimes not.

If you have ever taken the time to get your news online you have probably seen the stories where people can comment on the item by posting their thoughts on a discussion thread. Sometimes these comments are thoughtful and add something to the discussion or the story. If an avalanche happened, for example, perhaps someone with background in that particular field will post a further explanation of the events or the science behind the story. This helps people make sense of what happened and perhaps adds to the public understanding.

More often than not however, people with no expertise and no other intention than to say something foolish or hurtful post their thoughts instead. They make assumptions about motives or results. They jump to conclusions, with no proof, which are not based on anything that they have just read. They take small things, like a misused word, and blow them all out of proportion when it has nothing to do with the point of the story. They insult the subject of the news item, the families involved or the victims of the tragedy in one fell swoop and care less for the consequences of their comments.

The one thing I notice about most of these rude comments is that the people who make the most inflammatory remarks are the ones who do not use their real names or location. Often, it is some made up user name like 'IamAnIdiot123' or some other equally quaint name that is used to hide who the commentator is. Why? If you make a comment in a public forum, why are you allowed to hide who you really are? Like I said, I follow the news allot and sometimes the item makes me think uncharitable things, but before I can give voice to the thought, the little filter that I have in my brain slides into place and I keep the thought to myself. Some people, it seems, lack this filter and say whatever they like, regardless of who they insult or hurt.

Until news sites finally make it mandatory for everyone to provide their real names and locations before commenting on a story, imbeciles with nothing better to do will continue to post insulting and derogatory remarks and hurtful comments. These people hide behind the fact that no one can hold them personally responsible for the things they say. They feel safe in being anonymous. The only way I can see for this to change is for disclosure of identity. But what about privacy and freedom of speech? I agree with both concepts. But if you are not willing to stand behind your words with your identity known to all—then perhaps what you said should have been left unsaid in the first place.

Olympics, Here We Come!

2009-02-12T14:17:00.001-04:00

Well, as of this morning, we are officially one year away from the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Excuse me while I yawn for a second. It should be interesting come next February if there is actually a couple of snow storms during the fiasco… uh, I mean festivities. We are talking about a city which basically closes down when 2 cm of snow falls from the sky. What is going to happen when people from all over the world descend on a city that can't deal with winter weather and a snow storm hits? It should make for entertaining television viewing for those of us with no intention of, or interest in, going to this thing.

With all the fanfare of a circus, the organizers held a big show to unveil the official countdown to the Olympics clock. They should probably have called it 'The Countdown to Debt Repayment'. It amazes me that anyone (a country or a city) would want to take on the organization of this over hyped sporting event, especially in these tough economic times. The Vancouver/Whistler Olympics are being billed as the biggest, best Olympics in history. They should be considering the costs involved. From beginning to end, the whole 2010 Olympic effort has been one cost overrun after another and there is no end in sight. The security costs alone are expected to top one billion dollars. Yep, billion with a 'b'. For one element of the whole ridiculous show.

The Federal Government has even jumped on the band wagon with their 'Own the Podium' project. This effort saw the government inject millions of dollars into the various winter sports in an effort to win some gold medals. Did you know that Canada is the only country to host the Winter Olympics twice and not win a gold medal? Fantastic! By the time this thing is all over the costs will be through the roof and the taxpayers of British Columbia and Canada (you and me) will be on the hook for the bills. 'Own the Podium' is right. We'll own the podium alright, and the athlete's village, and the ski hills and the bobsled runs and the…

Love I$ In The Air

2009-02-11T12:17:00.002-04:00

Well, the commercial holiday known the world over as Valentine's Day is almost upon us and the universal conundrum (known to everyone in a relationship at this time of year) is rearing it's ugly head again—what to get for that special someone in your life. Aside from the fact that the day is presently a vastly overrated 'holiday' and that it is a concoction of the evil empire run by greeting card companies, chocolate makers and florists, I still feel obligated to get my bride something. Should I really have to feel obligated to show my love for her by spending hard earned money on something that will, 1) get thrown in the trash (a card), 2) make her fat (chocolate), or 3) wither and die and then get thrown in the trash (flowers)? Not to mention the fact that, any and all of these items can be purchased on any day after February 14^th for less than half the price that they are sold for leading up to that date.

Why do we all feel the need to bow to the pressures of this one particular day? I have heard it said that it is because of a guy named Valentine and the love he showed to his captors while he was in jail for crimes of a dubious nature. Alright, but which Valentine? There are at least 7 Saints listed by the Catholic Church in its official Roman Martyrology. Is it the priest who was martyred, the bishop who died, the other bishop who died, the priest who lived as a hermit or the Spanish guy who lived as a hermit, the guy who was martyred or the other guy who was martyred? Would the Valentine who we all owe our gratitude to for starting this whole 'romantic' mess please stand up! O.K., so like most of the things we celebrate in the world, the origins of the exercise are foggy at best.

So by now you are probably saying to yourself "Wow, his wife is in for a great day, come Saturday!" Well guess what? She is. I will clean the house. I will take her out for dinner. I will take her to a movie, and if I can swing it, I will find somewhere for the kids to go so we can enjoy some romance when we get home. Will I spend money on useless junk that she neither needs nor wants? Nope.

So even if you feel the need to spend outrageous amounts of money this Saturday, enjoy the company of your significant other this weekend. Think about the fact that they put up with you. I know I'm lucky to have a bride who will put up with me. Few others would! Especially after this!

They’ll Never Find Me Here!

2009-02-09T08:20:00.002-04:00

I like to pride myself as being a law abiding person. I don't steal things from stores. I don't buy, sell or use drugs. I follow the rules of the road while I'm driving. All this means that I don't often have to think about what I would do if I was on the run from the police.

There are plenty of shows on television that have to deal with this, so I guess I could just watch more of them if I wanted to learn some of the finer points of evasion. The only problem I see with these shows is that they hinge on having or acquiring items that are just not available to most people. The super-duper-high-intensity-thermal injected laser for cutting through the wall of the prison. Or the satellite uplink gizmo that allows you to tap into the surveillance cameras so you can run a loop of video and pass by unseen. I'd like to think I am capable of figuring out how to do things that are new to me, but these items are probably beyond my meagre skills. And really—who has the time?

Maybe simple is the best way to go. You often hear about criminals sending themselves out of the prison in the laundry. A few months ago there was the guy who actually mailed himself out in a parcel (he worked in the mail room). But even those avenues require access to special areas of the facility. Recently a young offender in Michigan escaped from the holding cell where he was being held after an appearance before a judge. He managed to find a car in the parking lot that was unlocked and hid in the trunk. He might even have gotten away if an eagle eyed guard had not seen a piece of paper on the ground beside the car and decided to investigate. He then found the kid in the trunk.

Why is this case an example of good escape technique? Well the kid thought outside the box (literally, considering he was headed to jail!). He did the unexpected and almost got away. His only mistake, aside from the ones he obviously made to get into court in the first place, was not making sure he did not leave behind a trail for the authorities to follow.

Oh, and the car he was in—it belonged to the judge! Who would have thought to look inside the vehicle, of the guy who puts the criminals away, for an escaped criminal? I wonder if no one had found the kid in the trunk and the judge got home with him there, if the judge could have been charged with kidnapping? Probably not. Maybe just taking his work home with him!

One For The “What?!?!” File

2009-02-07T11:35:00.002-04:00

I know this is going to sound like a bad joke, but did you hear about the guy who lost his bag of (ahem!) crap? No joke. This was reported in the news.

Apparently a doctoral student spent five years studying some lizard in the wilds of somewhere and collected the lizard dung for study. When the janitorial staff at the university came across the bag of dung, they did what most people, janitors or not, would have done—they tossed it in the garbage. Now the student is headed to court to sue the university.

Now, I have a few problems with this whole story, not he least of which is that it is in the international news. Firstly, what is there to be learned from this pile of crap? I mean, if you have already spent 5 years studying the animal, shouldn't you know what the thing eats and the processing time? Secondly, why bring this stuff home at all? Would it not be better to study it (if you intend on doing that) when the stuff is, how shall we say—fresh? My next question would have to be, if you are trying to get a degree from a university, is it really the best course of action, to sue said university? I would think that a lawsuit would cut down the chances for a successful dissertation defence.

Turns out the university offered the guy $750US for the loss. Holy smokes! Who knew that it could possibly be worth that much? I mean think about it! It's not like he lost a bag of gold. The guy didn't make a special trip to get it. He was already there! Did he not make any friends who could maybe go out and get some more for him and ship it to him using a courier?

I'm not sure what this guy wanted to prove with his bag o'smell, but you have to give him credit. Not everyone would do this in the name of education. It's a crappy job, but I guess someone has to do it!

Congratulations! You May Have Already Won!

2009-02-07T07:26:00.001-04:00

Ever get one of those prize envelopes in the mail? They're from a major publisher that provides a monthly 'digest' of short excerpts of stories and articles. They seem to have a never ending contest in which people try and win thousands of dollars. If you subscribe to said magazine then you know what I'm talking about. If not let me enlighten you.

Every couple of months a manila envelope arrives in the mail, which contains official looking documents extolling the fact that you have been issued a series of code numbers and that 'You may have already won," the super grand prize. Included in the 'prize pack' are stickers which have to be placed on the proper piece of paper and need to be returned to the prize department. Also included are special offers for books, and subscriptions and other equally useless items which it would seem might, may, could, enhance your chances of winning that aforementioned big prize.

By the time you manage get the proper stickers in the proper place, you might qualify for an advanced degree in spatial dynamics. The process seems designed to weed out people who could not possibly handle the thousands of dollars up for grabs. After jumping through the hoops you have to send the whole package back, at your expense, after noting your prize codes 'for your records'.

But why not take the chance to win some money? Maybe I'll win! Sure, whatever you think.

I used to jump through the hoops myself. I admit it. I'm not above trying to win money and trips. My car is getting old. But what killed the whole thing for me was the notice that came that said, "You are one of 6 people in New Brunswick in the final contest round," or something like that. You get a little excited when you see that, in spite of yourself.

Thousands of people spend thousands of dollars on stuff they don't need or want just to get a chance to win the grand prize. Envelopes come on an almost monthly basis and no matter what you try you never seem to get any closer to the final draw. I almost think it might be some kind of money grab between the company and the post office (you do have to buy postage for the return envelopes). Or as seems more likely, a psychological torture experiment of some kind.

Oh, and the notice about being one of 6 people in New Brunswick who might be a winner. Well turns out that at least 4 of the other people from New Brunswick were in my family too. Can't wait for Christmas!

Where’s The Beef?

2009-02-05T10:14:00.002-04:00

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's probably a duck right? Now, if it doesn't look like a duck, doesn't quack like a duck and doesn't walk like a duck, it's probably not a duck. Right? So why is it that people insist on trying to pass off things that are not meat as meat?

In the quest to provide ever healthier foods for our consumption someone got the bright idea to try and trick us into eating things that in no way resemble the item we want. Have you heard of dehydrated vegetable protein? Kind of looks like sawdust. You're supposed to be able to make meatballs, burger patties, sausages and the like out of it. Guess what? Not meat.

Last summer I went to the grocery store for some hamburger patties for a barbeque we were hosting. I was in a hurry and grabbed a box of patties. On the box was a beautiful picture of a juicy hamburger with all the fixing's. When I got home and cooked them up they tasted kind of strange. On the chance that they were bad, I went back to the box with the nice photo to find that the patties I had purchased were in fact not hamburger patties, but soy burgers. Guess what? Not meat.

Then there is my favourite gross thing in the grocery store. Tofu, a blob of pasty greyish goo. I mean, YUCK! Just cook it in with what ever you are making and it will take on the flavour of what you're cooking. Why not just eat what it was you were going to eat in the first place? Tofu-- REALLY not meat.

Let's make a deal. If you are a person who likes to eat some of these things, fine. You eat them and enjoy. But let me eat what I like in peace. Don't try to trick me into eating something that I would not willingly eat on my own. I like my steak to look like a steak. I like my hamburger to contain ground beef. I like my turducken to be a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. To each their own. Now please pass the barbeque sauce.

Growth Through Stupidity

2009-02-03T14:30:00.001-04:00

You know sometimes you just can't win for trying. You know what I mean. You think of something you might like to try and you try it. Sometimes things work out great and you succeed in completing the task at hand and sometimes things do not always work out. You fail. Right? The world did not come to a crashing end and the sun rose again the next day. Right? So when did it become a bad thing for people to fail? When did we enter a world of success at all costs?

I read recently that children only learn through success until about age 6 or so. This is why you see parents making a big deal out of little Bobby when he learns not to pick his nose at the dinner table. The child learns that if he does (or in this case does not) do something, he will get praised for it and learn "Hey look at what happened there! I will have to remember that!" Same goes with tying your shoes, getting dressed properly and going to the potty. After age 6 the brain begins to change and the child learns more through mistakes and failure. Kind of a "Hey, I guess the egg shells don't need to be in the cake batter!" eureka moment. If something does not work, then the child will remember that and try something different the next time.

I guess that's what gets me about the 'helicopter parent' phenomenon. These parents hover about their children, smoothing social bumps, correcting mistakes and removing obstacles that their children encounter. What are these parents teaching their children? The kid learns that if they wait someone will fix the problem. If they make a mistake someone will make it go away. That they can't fail. So basically they learn that they can get away with anything and end up with no skills for coping with problems and obstacles.

When I was young my parents let me figure things out for myself. They made sure I was safe and that I wasn't in any danger of course, the provided advice and encouragement, but they also let me have space to grow. When I went out to play I remember my father saying "Don't do anything stupid." Did I do stupid things? Yep! Did I learn from doing stupid things? Yep! Am I a better and more capable person now because of that? I'd like to think so.

While growing up we all have to learn that there are consequences to our actions. We all have to learn to develop the persistence to try and try again. We have to learn how to deal with life's little problems. Have you heard the old adage about learning from your mistakes? Maybe the reason for this saying is that we really do.

Good News and Bad News

2009-02-02T18:19:00.002-04:00

Well, I will give you the bad news first. Kind of like pulling off a band-aid—best to do it fast and it hurts less. It's Ground Hog's Day and it is now official. The rodents have predicted 6 more weeks of winter. Thank heavens for this fool proof weather forecasting system!

What better way to tell what the weather is going to do for the next six weeks, than by yanking a peacefully slumbering rodent out of its den and waving it in front of a bunch of television cameras? Then declaring proudly that (if it is cloudy) spring is coming early or (if it is sunny) six more weeks of winter. What could possibly be wrong with this method? Apparently since weather forecasters are not to be trusted we have collectively decided to put our faith in a rodent. Brilliant!

I'm surprised that the animal rights/protection people have not jumped on this long before now. I mean, here we are (as a society, not us in particular), every year pulling an animal that has nothing to do with weather (and could probably care less), out of its home and using it to predict the weather. At least it is only once a year I guess. I do feel sorry for Wiarton Willie, Shubenacadie Sam and Punxsutawney Phil. What did they do to deserve this dubious distinction? Did the whole of the ground hog population get together and declare these three individuals the sacrificial lambs (uh, ground hogs) of the species?

Anyway, that's the bad news—six more weeks of winter. What's the good news you ask? Well go and have a look at your calendar. Now count the number of weeks from now (February 2) until the first day of spring. That's o.k., go ahead, I'll wait.

Yep, the good news is that spring is only six weeks away!

Weather Woes

2009-02-01T07:19:00.002-04:00

I know I go on about the fast paced technology driven age we live in a bit. I remember when computers first started to come into wide use. The manufacturers used to tout the paperless office! I don't know about you, but it seems like there is more paper now than there ever was. Technology has done allot of things for us, instant music, MRI machines, heat and lights and lots of other things. The one thing I wish technology would do for us is to produce better forecasts for the weather.

You would think that in a country that is affected by the weather so much, we would be putting more money into getting the forecast right. We can't complain too much I guess. For the most part I know that if I want to go somewhere in a couple of days I can pretty much count on the weather. But at times I wonder if weather forecasters have a big chart on the wall and wherever their dart hits the wall ends up being the weather outlook.

I was at the grocery store yesterday and every second person I knew was talking about the 'big storm' that was coming. When I asked when it was due in, because I hadn't heard about it, they said 'oh, next week." Next Week? Where are these people getting their weather from? Psychics or crystal balls?

Did you know that forecasts are only accurate for the first 24 to 48 hours? That's right. Anything beyond the day after tomorrow is basically useless. If you look at a weather forecast today, for three days from now, you have less than a 50% chance of seeing that forecasted weather on that day. Most people can do better than that by guessing based on a thermometer, a barometer and a weather almanac. When it comes to weather in Canada—just worry about tomorrow, after that anything is possible.

Oh, Canada

2009-01-28T20:42:00.002-04:00

I am a proud Canadian. I am proud that our nation was conceived and came into existence, not through war, but through diplomacy. I am proud that Canadians live in a quiet way that sets us apart from some of our American cousins to the south. I am proud that when called upon, Canadians will stand up and do what is required of them, either on the field of diplomacy or on a field of battle. I think that our history is one to be proud of and should be held up to all students and to the world as an example.

That being said there are some things that make me ashamed to be lumped into the same pile as other people who are supposedly Canadians. Recently, a school in New Brunswick has discontinued the playing of Oh, Canada in the morning. Why did they do this? Because some parents did not want their children to take part in the exercise. It boggles the mind. What possible reason could these people have for not wanting their children to take part in a daily demonstration of the love and pride they have (or should have) for their country? Do these people not like the fact that their children can go to school freely and without restrictions? Is it that they don't feel proud to be Canadian?

One thing I do know is that if this happened in my children's school, there would be one hell of a fight. When the American national anthem plays, people stop. They show respect. Why? Because of their pride in being from the United States of America. Perhaps we have some lessons to learn from our cousins to the south. The playing of Oh, Canada has been a part of the beginning of each school day for decades and should continue to be. What makes me mad is that by removing this daily activity from the school, they are disrespecting the men from my family who fought (and in some cases died) in two world wars for this country and all of the things I am proud of. They are disrespecting all proud Canadians. Bring back the anthem. Sing it proudly. Remember the reasons we can do so freely.

Although I do not agree with this decision or the people behind it, I do respect their right to their opinion—even if it is wrong. Truly Canadian, eh?

The Bloom Is Off The Rose

2009-01-28T12:39:00.001-04:00

Did they think they could hide it forever? What were they thinking? In this era of instant communication and shrinking privacy how could you keep such a huge secret? Here we are, just about a month into the New Year and just barely a week into the presidency of Barrack Obama and scandal is in the air. Seems even the darling of the American political system is not immune to the smell of something fishy.

What is the scandal? Is it Afghanistan? The detention centre at Guantanamo Bay? Some kind of CIA torture scandal? Monetary impropriety on the part of a high ranking party member? All of these things? We've seen just about everything in the last 200 years of the great experiment in democracy, from infidelity in the White House to arms deals gone wrong. It seems, that even with the best of intentions, humans really are fallible. We make mistakes. No doubt about it. Most of the time the mistakes are small and no one sees them. Other times the mistakes are bigger and still no one sees them, but we learn and avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. Then there are those mistakes which find their way into the harsh light of public criticism and we can no longer hide them. Someone once said, that the only way for a secret between two people to remain a secret, is for one of the people to be dead. Well, here we are again—scandal in the White House.

I can almost hear you screaming—"WHAT WAS THE MISTAKE?" Well, patience young grasshopper. The answer is coming. The big mistake that the Obama presidency has made is maybe the most shocking to hit the news in almost a month. The secret that has finally leaked after one whole week-- the music played by the quartet at Barrack Obama's inauguration was taped! Can you imagine? What could they have been thinking! It seems that the cold temperatures on Inauguration Day caused the instruments to go out of tune. So naturally the musicians did not want to sound like a bag of drowning cats and recorded the music ahead of time. Great! Did I notice? No. Do I care if they played live or not? Nope. Did it take away from the occasion? Not at all. Could I have lived without knowing this information? Absolutely.

We live in a world where people die each day as a result of lunatic dictators and war, starvation and natural disasters. Where real governmental mismanagement costs taxpayers millions of dollars a day. Where real news is literally just a click of a button away. The fact that news outlets decide to spend time, money and effort tracking down a story with as much news value as the sun coming up in the morning, is astounding. Here's a news flash—the bloom really is off the rose, just not the one you might think.

Oh, The Weather Outside is… FREEZING!

2009-01-27T17:00:00.001-04:00

I don't know about your family, but my family has a couple of people who are the unofficial family history compilers. You know, if you need (or want) to know about your ancestors they are the ones you go to. Usually they have the family history computer programs and have compiled the stories that get told at all of the family gatherings. I am one of the historians for my family.

Although we gather information and compile lists of family members and some stories, there are some things that we will perhaps never know. Questions that we have, that will not be answered, because the answers lie with someone who lived 100 or 200 years ago. Some of the most interesting questions, for me anyway, have to do with how they decided to settle where they did. Why Canada? Why Miramichi, New Brunswick? Why not somewhere else? What compelled them to move from where they were and start a new life somewhere else?

Some questions I have answers to. My family came to this area in 1822. I know that the original fellow who made the move to Canada was born about 1766. So you can see, I have a long stretch for those answers to why here. Not that I am wont to complain about where I and my family have lived for the last 187 years. There are no tornadoes, earthquakes or monsoons. There are no poisonous snakes or dangerous diseases like Ebola. We don't have to worry about yearly flooding. We only get the tail ends of the few hurricanes that happen to make it this far north. But still the question remains—why here?

Only once in a while do I really question the wisdom of my forefathers in settling where they did. Over the last few days the cold has begun to take its toll on me. When the daytime high does not get above -20° Celsius, and the wind makes it feel like -35° or colder, then I begin to question the decision to settle here. I can take the snow storms and I don't usually complain about the weather and such but… TURN UP THE HEAT ALREADY! Why couldn't they have settled someplace warmer—or at least left behind enough money for me to move there?

Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You

2009-01-27T13:54:00.001-04:00

Would you like to take part in a Survey? An Opinion Poll? Qualify for a trip? Sign up for our low interest credit card? No problem, just answer these few questions and you can do these things from the comfort of your dining room table. Every evening thousands of Canadians are called on the telephone and given all of these options and more, from companies that mine lists for contact information in an attempt to get you to buy into something.

Recently in Canada the CRTC developed the national Do Not Call List. By signing on to this list Canadians were supposed to reduce the number of calls from these companies and get some peace from the high pressure sales tactics. Now it turns out that, perhaps, this list does not work as well as we were led to believe it might. Aside from a half dozen or so exceptions, this list was supposed to make it illegal for companies to make unsolicited contact with you at your home phone number. Stiff fines were set up and all was to be right with the world. Nope. Turns out that many Canadians have seen an increase in the number of unwanted calls they are getting. Kind of frustrating, to say the least. Apparently, the concept of Do Not Call was too tough for the CRTC to understand.

Can there be that many people out there who do business with these companies to make it worth the effort? How many people are signing up for credit cards over the phone? Do you really believe that you have won a trip to the Bahamas, without having bought a ticket or entered a draw? How many people spend 5, 10 or 15 minutes of their time answering surveys on the phone? Who is making these companies believe that there is money to be made making these calls? There has to be someone. Companies don't spend money without the expectation of making more money.

I have heard of several funny ways to screw with the telemarketers who call. There was one guy who came up with dozens of scripts for all kinds of occasions. In one, he pretended to be panicked and very relieved that the carpet cleaning company called, because he had blood in the carpet and on the furniture and had to get it out 'right now'. Or the Jerry Seinfeld line about this not being a good time but could he call the telemarketer later at home. Then there are those who ask as many questions as they can think of in the hopes of frustrating the caller. And then there are those who just hang up when these people call.

It must be a terrible job to have, to call people all day and have the phone slammed down or be sworn at over and over again. Do call centers have a role in our society? Sure. I have no problem with inbound call centers. You know tech support. Credit card customer service. Things like that. Where I am the one to initiate the call in order to access a service. In an increasingly technological and fast paced world, these places do serve a purpose.

But when it comes to companies who interrupt my dinner or time I intend to spend with my family… Well, we should all tell them the same thing—'Don't call me, I'll call you'.

Oh, Give Me A Home…

2009-01-26T15:20:00.002-04:00

It's a case of useful innovation getting lost in 21^st Century over indulgence. An architect has designed a building that not only takes advantage of solar energy, but also the wind in an interesting way. Each of the 80 floors of the proposed high rise in Dubai, will be able to rotate around the central hub of the building using the force provided by the wind.

Designed with spaces between the floors where solar panels and wind turbine blades will be located, the building will possibly be able to produce its own power and maybe even supply energy to the surrounding neighbourhood. Not only will the building provide power for its residents but it will also give them a constantly changing view as each floor rotates 360 degrees. No longer will you have to covet the view of the tenant on the other side of the building. Just wait a few minutes and the view will be yours.

Now comes the indulgence part. The apartments will set you back anywhere from $3 to $30 million dollars! One can assume that the more pricey spaces will be near the top of the building. Now if you can afford this kind of home, you probably have a nice car as well, right? Where are you going to park that Bentley or Ferrari? Not only does the building come with a changing view but a drive-in elevator so that residents can park outside their apartment door!

Do we really need another building where the rich can sequester themselves away from the rest of humanity? Could we not find a better use for the millions of dollars the construction of this building will cost? What about the millions used to buy an apartment? Maybe a fund to help the homeless? How far would $3 million dollars go in a school breakfast program? What about healthcare? Apparently the 1100 people already on the waiting list for apartments don't care much or they would be spending their money on social programs and not overpriced digs for themselves. But let's be charitable. Maybe these 1100 people will give their new apartments to the homeless right? Right.

Not that long ago there was a popular song that said, "Give me a home where the buffalo roam…" You know the one. It speaks of simplicity and comfort and warmth and family. I guess someone changed the idea when we weren't looking. The designers of this building took a great idea for advancing the ideas of environmentally friendly construction and made a consumerist monster. Now it seems the song should go "Give me a home with central air conditioning, a rotating view, and an automobile elevator." Doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?

I don't know about you, but I think I prefer the classics.

The Delusional Gene

2009-01-22T08:27:00.002-04:00

I don't know if you are aware, but most men possess a gene that women do not. Why most men you ask? Because throughout history there have been a few men who did not possess this gene. I call this gene the delusional gene.

What does the delusional gene do? Well, the delusional gene allows men to believe things about themselves that, in reality, are just not true. What kind of things? Well, have you ever met a man who believed that he was 'God's gift to women', when he clearly was not? Have you ever met a man who claimed he was the best athlete on the hockey team, when he could hardly stand up on the ice? Have you ever been to the grocery store and saw a man who acted like he was dressed in the full on 007 tuxedo and ready for the adventure, when he was actually wearing sweats and a dirty t-shirt? I give you the delusional gene at work! It crosses all economic, cultural and educational lines and affects the actions of all men to a greater or lesser degree.

This gene shows itself early on. You see it when boys begin their journey through the mine field of puberty. Ladies, did you ever wonder why boys felt the need to pull your pig tails? Fart loudly in class or the theatre? Make faces? Act idiotically? These are all early manifestations of the delusional gene. They truly believed that every one of these actions clearly showed that they liked you and that each of these actions would impress you so much that you would automatically fall head over heals in love with them.

Kind of explains the actions of little Billy now doesn't it?

Why am I talking about this greatest of all manly mysteries? Because it seems that the delusional gene is in decline. Recently a new product has hit store shelves that shows the erosion of this truly male gene. The product—Manty Hose! Control top panty hose for men. What is the world coming to? Come on men. Fight the urge! Embrace your heritage! Do we really need manty hose? I say no. Embrace your inner man and fight against this latest attack on your manhood, stand up to the out of control commercialism that thought up this product-- or at least buy a cute pair of pumps to show off your calves.